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Mark Trail, 1/25/18

Wait, who is Doc talking to on the phone? We all know he doesn’t have any friends, and when it comes to romance Cherry has to basically exploit his love for his grandson to force him into sexual liaisons with the local ladies who lust after him. My theory is that this is a toy phone that Mark gave to him yell nonsense into so that passersby aren’t alarmed when he starts in with his shoutings again.

Family Circus, 1/25/18

Welp, it looks like Billy’s finally figured out that domestic labor is indeed labor — and in his case, since inadequate retirement savings often mean that parents rely on their adult children in retirement, any labor that helps raise his academic achievement level will have a quantifiable financial return down the line. A look at his parents’ facial expressions lets you know exactly who benefits from having the true nature of the economic system properly understood in the Keane Kompound.

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Blondie, 1/24/18

This strip definitely has the smell of a scenario that was jury-rigged to fit a predetermined punchline. Like, “Ha, wouldn’t it be funny if Mr. Dithers watched Dagwood napping on the couch via Facebook Live? But wait, why would Dagwood be home? Is he playing hooky? But if so why would Blondie film him? He took the day off, I guess!” But still, I think this has produced a genuinely hilarious scenario, in which Dagwood, who is of course infamous for napping at work, took a day off just so he could nap at home. In conclusion, I hope Facebook paid for this product placement, because I hate to see syndicated comics just promoting other people’s brands for free. If they don’t pay up, call it Pacelook or Pacebook or whatever!

Dick Tracy, 1/24/18

A good thing to do if you’re sending someone deep undercover into a criminal gang is to give them a communications device only available to the police, which broadcasts audio so that anyone can hear it, and then say your undercover officer’s real name super loud if you just hear garbled talk through the speaker, almost as if they’re talking to somebody else!

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Mark Trail, 1/23/18

Immediately after his giraffe encounter, Rusty ran home to tell his adoptive parents about it, only to be berated at length that you’d have to be a crazy person to say you saw a giraffe in the forest and you must be dreaming or hallucinating like that time with the dinosaurs, so you should stop insisting you saw giraffes or you’re going to have to go live in the crawl space again. Of course, we know that there’s a whole dang circus loose out there, and so I sincerely hope that Mark, maintaining that smug, know-it-all facial expression, steps outside to prove to Rusty that Lost Forest is giraffe-free and is then immediately mauled by a lion.

Mary Worth, 1/23/18

Ha ha, is 2004 Democratic Party presidential nominee and former Secretary of State John Kerry Ted Miller going to steal Mary away from his old friend Dr. Jeff, right in front him? Notice that Mary is sure to welcome Ted “to my home,” emphasizing that she has long refused to marry, move in with, or commit to Dr. Jeff in any way.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/23/18

Rex is scowling in panel one, but thoughtfully, indicating that he might be open to allowing this Maoist self-criticism session to mollify him. Unfortunately, the Marches have made the decision to deploy youth slang, which he’s not going to appreciate at all.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/23/18

One of the things I’ve resigned myself to kind of enjoying is that printed matter that appears in Snuffy Smith is spelled in the same eye dialect used in the word balloons. Still, today’s strip is horrifying because it prompted me, unbidden, to imagine a context in which one of the characters might say the world “ballz.” Like, “Lukey, th’ next time we’re int’mite, I’m gonna ask Loweezy t’ tickle my ballz!” If I have to think it, you have to read it, which is, I suppose, this blog’s mission statement.