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Metapost: Podcasted COTWs!

Hey folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a fun link: I was on the podcast of the great Nathan Rabin, an entertainment writer who you might remember as the guy who coined the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” and we talked about two subjects near and dear to my heart: The Lockhorns, and the animated Garfield: His Nine Lives special. It was a super fun convo and you should check it out!

You know what’s also super fun? Your comment of the week!

“‘I’ll buy these NEW SNEAKERS and walk amidst the flora and fauna!‘ is a phrase that neatly makes it clear that Wilbur has never been outside before, or possibly even encountered a pair of sneakers? He’ll probably walk out of there holding a basketball.” –Jack Loves Comics

And your runners up! They too are enjoyable!

“I feel like this is the only place for me to talk about how uncomfortable that brush is making me. You can’t bring that type of brush into the shower with you! It will take forever to dry out enough to be usable and it will never dry out completely. Give it another couple of weeks and Wilbur will just be leaving a dusting of black mold on his scalp whenever he tries to fix his combover. This, more than anything else he has ever done, is clearly a cry for help.” –Tiffany StPeter, on Facebook

“‘Long before videos, folks spent an evening looking at exciting stereopticon slides in 3 dimensions!‘ Presumably, Walt is yelling this in the middle of a Starbucks where the customers are all on their phones.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Wonder eye’ certainly is today’s rage. Looking at it makes me absolutely furious.” –Hergen

“Rex is giving Justin that cup of water with the same heartfelt persuasiveness that the witch gave Snow White the apple.” –Pozzo

“Just a sip of water … which you will earn once you pin me. Get up, barfy, this is for your own good.” –pugfuggly

“Ah, the two words Mary loves hearing the most: ‘You’re right!’” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“‘Young man, you’ll sit in that corner until you learn to curb th’ wordplay!’ ‘Now I know why they call it PUNishment.’ ‘AAARGH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Wilbur cried because he had no shoes. Until he met a man with no feet. Then he accosted the man with no feet to explain that his misery was greater, because his girlfriend left him just because of one little, look, it doesn’t matter why, the important thing is” –Dan

“I guess I tend to view Wilbur as rather a mopey sad-sack, but honestly, someone who looks like Wilbur — or just generally is Wilbur — yet doesn’t feel Mother Nature has played him very foul indeed must have a pretty positive outlook.” –Violet

“Is… is that poison? Maybe Billy is in a bad mood because the toxins are kicking in.” –Willow Jordan

“N-No! Don’t want to fight! Only want to shove!” –Hogenmogen

“Just imagine if Mary Worth used the actual name of the sporting goods store. ‘Hey, Wilbur, good to see you here at Dick’s. Speaking of dicks, Zak sure has a nice one.’” –Andrew

“Not only is James Renner a real author, but ‘Ohioana Book Festival’ is a real event! This weekend! With Tom Batiuk in attendance, hawking the Lisa’s Legacy trilogy! Crankshaft has achieved Peak Tiresome. (James Renner won’t be there.)” –Uncle Lumpy

“Something this strip doesn’t get much credit for is its clever use of symbolism and hidden meaning. Today’s strip, for example, is actually an allegory for the history and consequences of the Industrial Revolution. Marvin’s friend represents the old artisan working class, as demonstrated by the block construction next to him. He is disturbed by the foul practices and pollution of Marvin, who stands in for new wave of production and power as suggested by the nearby locomotive. Marvin’s friend protests this unpleasant affront to his nostrils (which represent tradition, heritage, and comfortable nostalgia). In turn, Marvin speaks the prophetic truth of what the ‘nostrils’ of civilization must inevitably face in the course of progress, and then defecates in his own pants, representing the perils of arrogantly advancing without foresight.” –jroggs

“‘The general is mad as a hatter,’ said the men of Camp Swampy. They shook their heads ruefully as they sipped tea and brushed crumbs off tattered grey uniforms two generations out of date. ‘Thank goodness we’re still sane.’” –Escape Zeppelin

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Beetle Bailey, 4/13/18

Just about every name in Beetle Bailey is extremely on the nose (Corporal Yo! Private Blips! Tech Specialist Chip Gizmo!!!!), with General Halftrack actually having one of the more subtle monikers. The half-track is of course a perfectly legitimate piece of military hardware, but I’ve always assumed that it was short for “half-track mind,” implying that he was losing it, a notion this strip, in which he hears a phrase that reminds him of golf and then wanders over to a tee with a glazed expression on his face, even though he’s miles away from a golf course, sure isn’t going to disabuse anyone of.

Marvin, 4/13/18

Every once in a while I need to check in with Marvin, and myself, to see if maybe I’m exaggerating when I do my running joke about how Marvin is a vile comic strip that constantly and opening makes scat jokes in family newspapers across the country. In today’s strip, Marvin farts and then announces that he’s about to shit his pants, which will be much more disgusting, so, no, I’m still on target, actually.

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Gil Thorp, 4/12/18

Hey, guys, remember Aaron Aagard, the hero of last year’s basketball season storyline, who was inconsistent not because he was on drugs but because his mom was, and then he ended up living in a teammate’s basement? Well, he’s playing on the team again this year, it seems. I guess we’ll never know the details, since all media coverage of the Mudlarks has now ceased, which should hopefully break the spell the various high school teams have over Milford in short order and everyone else will get hobbies and Coach Thorp’s budget will get reassigned to the music department and Coach Kaz will have to mortgage his dojo.

Mark Trail, 4/12/18

Based on Mark’s grim facial expression in the final panel, I assume he knows that Jim was crushed to death under the jeep, and is going to allow Marlin to mourn in private. If there’s one thing Mark doesn’t like being around, it’s emotions.

Mary Worth, 4/12/18

I’m not sure what sort of stuff Rick’s sells, exactly, but I’m certainly hoping that Iris and Zak are here to buy, say, a hammock, talking loudly all through their shopping experience about how it’ll easily be converted into a makeshift sex swing.

Crankshaft, 4/12/18

Fun fact: True Crime Addict is a real book, and James Renner is a real person who’s been rendered here relatively faithfully, presumably because he owes someone a terrible debt, or perhaps because he lost a contest.

Spider-Man, 4/12/18

That quote is from the Bible, so in attributing the inerrant word of YHWH to some unspecified “they,” JJJ is proving himself a darn polytheist on top of everything else!