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Sweet gamer chair, Alexander

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Gasoline Alley, 3/7/24

Man, here’s a story of our modern world for ya: You head down to City Hall, because they’re trying to rename your town, because of woke, and you wanna give those politicians what-for, but then you end up running into some dumb rustic who’s banging the mayor and he wastes your time with a bunch of “Why do we drive on a parkway but park in the driveway” bullshit. Eventually you get annoyed and give up and go home. This is why ordinary people don’t want to get involved in our civic institutions anymore!

Family Circus, 3/7/24

Obviously the joke here is that this is a bug and Jeffy is too stupid to realize it, but I do like that they just drew it as a featureless black dot. It’s like we’re seeing through his eyes! Maybe his universe really is unravelling around him! What a glorious day that would be, for all of us.

Blondie, 3/7/24

Today’s Blondie features two teenagers hanging out and playing video games, an extremely normal scenario that I am absolutely flabbergasted actually appeared in a legacy newspaper comic strip. I think I may actually have to go lay down somewhere.

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Mmm … horse

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Blondie, 3/6/24

Personally, I think the best way to celebrate National Dentists’ Day would be to simply to go to the dentist for your twice annual cleaning! Which Dagwood has already done, so he’s way ahead of the game. And maybe you should take some time to congratulate them on their special day, but that would require knowing about it in advance, and sadly that ship has sailed for Dagwood already. Apparently he doesn’t have the calendar with all the obscure/fake holidays in it like the Blondie creative team has!

Mark Trail, 3/6/24

A lot of people complain about new-look Mark Trail, and while I’ve been accepting of certain changes, like the stubble, I absolutely cannot abide newly millennial Mark trying to tell us honest, hard-working real Americans we shouldn’t eat horses! Horsemeat made America what it is today, and the fact that the “woke mob” has come for the delicious, juicy horseburgers we all enjoy grilling up before the Big Game is a sad commentary on society.

Mary Worth, 3/6/24

Look, Mary, you have got to stop talking about Keith Hillend. Nobody cares! The only interesting thing about him is the fact that he lied about being Sonia’s dad, and you’re not privy to that information so it’s not like you can dish out the hot goss. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but have you considered asking Jeff about how his day is going or something like that?

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Aging, dying, etc.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/5/23

“Oh, posh,” you’re probably thinking, “Surely a tech whiz like Spc. Chip Gizmo would simply use a password manager to keep track of all his login information.” Sorry, wrong, this fundamentally misunderstands the nature of the Beetle Bailey universe. Chip Gizmo arrived in the strip in 2002 in response to the increasing popularity of these newfangled “computers” and, like all the other characters, has not evolved or changed or learned anything new since the day of his creation, so he’s never heard of a password manager. (Beetle was created in 1950, which is why he naively assumes that any complex piece of machinery must surely come with an instruction manual explaining how to operate it.)

Dennis the Menace, 3/5/23

“Older than I was when we got here. The linear flow of time and the operational state of our bodies only move in one direction, and that direction points us straight towards death. Feeling menaced yet, doc?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/23

SPOILER ALERT: It’s piss, everybody! He’s an old man who’s been stuck in that chair all night, and the thing he needs to do is piss.