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Rhymes with Orange, 7/20/26

Lady lets herself be intimidated by inanimate objects. Gonna be a long day.

Six Chix, 7/20/26

Unhealthy, infected, diseased, rotting, morbid, disgusting meat. How to say you’re vegan without saying you’re vegan.

Dustin, 7/20/26

The animosity between Ed Kudlick and his son Dustin is well-established, but doesn’t it seem lately that their barbs are getting sharper? I mean, today’s exchange is basically, “You’re lazy and doomed to failure!” / “You’re stupid and can’t speak English!” It won’t be long before these breakfast chats devolve into cursing and flinging coffee and cereal.

Phantom, 7/20/26

The Phantom’s very first nemeses—the pirates of the Singh Brotherhood—were in it for the loot. But the motivations of the current crop are harder to parse:

• Leopold Braga, Admiral in the navy of landlocked Rhodia, says he serves its ruling junta by serving Ignis Vindicta, but how? Is there some bribe, contract, alliance, or other alignment of interests between the parties, and if so to what end?
• Chatu “The Python”, Wambesi terrorist, used his native Bangalla as a safe haven to carry out attacks in Rhodia. So why does Rhodia, through Vindicta and Braga, want him on the team?
• Eric Sahara started out a billionaire playboy, then took up recreational lone-wolf terrorism as “The Nomad”, taking over Chatu’s gang when he thought the Phantom had killed its leader. Why? Don’t know!
• Elon Musk Ian Mollusk Ignis Vindicta (tr. “Fire of Vengeance”) is a wealthy motormouth nutjob who wants to rule the world from space. He surrendered all control of his Nomad/Chatu project to an AI programmed on his own bullshit, and constantly brags about how he has no influence over what it does. Why? Got me.

Beyond “bad guys do bad things,” these villains are united only in their hatred of the Phantom, which kinda seems like a side quest, and hasn’t worked out well for any of them in the past.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Family Circus, 7/19/26

Dolly, thou shalt not mock this sign of God’s displeasure, neither by crude sophistry nor by mooning His works.

Slylock Fox (panel), 7/19/26

“Is Reeky lying” isn’t much of a mystery: he obviously never cleans house, just look at the place. Also, he’s Reeky Rat, for Pete’s sake—”lying” tops his to-do list next to “squalor” and “pointless low-stakes crimes.”

But consider the original offense. What makes this note a “horrible” hate crime? Speciesism would be my first guess. With so many species around—seven or eight in this panel alone—some friction seems inevitable. But rat‑on‑rabbit speciesism seems backwards here: after all, it’s Rachel who’s canonically the snooty, upwardly mobile one. Class hatred seems more plausible, since Reeky clearly has none and maybe covets it? But on closer examination, it’s not Rachel but her kit who is the injured party here. So maybe the note is just a crude “Yo Mama” joke calling out Rachel’s embarrassingly prolific sexual behavior?

Mary Worth, 7/19/26

I know you share my disappointment that we won’t be seeing Tommy spiral hilariously back into the pit of drug-addicted despair. But we can take solace in recapping one of Wilbur’s many humiliations, can’t we? Looks like Mary’s on board!

—Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 7/18/26

Blondie likes to make extremely on-the-nose jokes about obscure holidays. But they usually show up on the day itself, and National Ice Cream Day falls on a Sunday, of course. Maybe part of the joke is that Dagwood just can’t wait? I mean, look at the way he’s eyeing his wife’s dessert before he’s even finished his own.

Between Friends, 7/18/26

Big news in Between Friends: Maeve is getting married! Again! To her cheating, lying, emotionally manipulative, marginally employed snake of an ex-husband! If second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience, second marriage to this guy is how experience gets its revenge.

Heathcliff, 7/18/26

By car, scooter, elephant, cannon, or [squints] fish-guided bubblegum balloon—a cat’s gotta travel. Bro, man. Bro indeed.

Luann, 7/18/26

After months of agonizing “trying,” Toni Daytona-DeGroot is at last pregnant. “Thank God,” she exclaims, “I can finally stop having sex with Brad.”

Hey there! I’m filling in for Josh through Sunday the 26^th. Reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if you have any trouble with the site, your subscription, emails, or Patreon. Enjoy!

—Uncle Lumpy