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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith,
Mary Beth announces her plans t’ butcher and wed Jughaid based on wildly inaccurate folk anatomy. Upside: plenty of sausage t’ serve at th’ reception!
Hey, remember that one summer we rented a lake cottage but it rained all week so we scoured the bookstores and sat at the kitchen table passing around Kurt Vonnegut paperbacks and eating popcorn? And I had to explain to my sister how Ice-9 worked, and felt vaguely uncomfortable watching my Mom read Welcome to the Monkey House?
You DON’T? You mean it wasn’t part of your experience, and hearing some jackass narrate his private recollections isn’t compelling entertainment? Wow, somebody explain that to Jeff here, wouldja?
Mary Worth, 3/19/14
Or maybe these three things are actually just one thing? Hey, I know! Tell him if he had a job he could buy one of those adorable flat cars with the greywall tires!
Funky Winkerbean, 3/19/14
In Westview, smoking is an aspirational vice — the stylish path to a miserable death. The losers who can’t afford $5.67 a pack have to chug contaminated groundwater or huff radon.
Sorry, Greg — once those quotes go up on your “cool,” they never come down.
Edge City, 3/19/14
Hey, Len — that’s pretty “cool”!
Words to live by: “Life is just too damn short to go around carrying store-brand tote bags.”
– Uncle Lumpy
Edge City, 8/6/13
Oh hey it’s Edna and Morris Not-Ardin, off to visit America’s battlefields in their new RV. I hope they have fun and all, but what is the deal with this guy’s face? Has he got two mouths? An extra ear, with teeth? Is he some kind of weird Mr. Magoo/Popeye hybrid? Is that an enormous chaw of Mail Pouch parked in what just might be his cheek? For me, his image keeps flipping back and forth like one of those ambiguous figures from Psych 101:
Edna lets it all pass. She’s got her own problems, coping with the oral aftermath of her horrific trombone accident.
Hi and Lois, 8/6/13
And then one day, Hi Flagston just gave up. “Fetch me the gin, Lois.”
Apartment 3-G, 8/6/13
Margo snuffs out an alarming flicker of empathy as she spins around the room.
Judge Parker, 8/6/13
I only read Judge Parker for the articles, but here’s some eye candy — and a challenge — for the oglers in the audience. The challenge is this: do oglers of pretty comic-strip women ogle other representations of pretty women, such as mannequins? If so, would they ogle drawings of mannequins, such as those presented in panel one? Are features like heads and knees essential to this exercise? And how far does it go, the ogling: would it extend to a photo in a cartoon of a sketch of the shadow of a statue of a woman? What role does the quality of representation play, relative to the attractiveness of the original subject? I have to say, Judge Parker wouldn’t have been my first source for a deconstruction of male gaze theory, but there you have it.
Rhymes with Orange, 8/6/13
Lady, your problem is not the obsolete phone — it’s the renegade car.
I’m filling in while Josh is on vacation through next Tuesday. No fundraiser this time around, but contact me at email@example.com if the site starts acting up. Enjoy!
– Uncle Lumpy
Hooray, it’s a new super-person for Spider-Man to fight and/or team up with … the Tarantula! One of the joys of only interacting with Spider-Man in his newspaper comic incarnation is that I have zero background on beloved characters from the comics, so I can accept each new moronic villain on whatever inane terms the strip choses to present him or her. Even in four sentences of exposition here it seems like dashing revolutionary Newspaper Comic Tarantula is nothing like any of the versions of Comic Book Tarantula, who are all employed by death squads working for their nation’s despotic government. So hopefully fanboys everywhere are gnashing their teeth at this change, since fanboy-teeth-gnashing is like the most exquisite music to me.
Anyway, “Far as we know from TV and the Internet, the revolution’s going great!” is the most 21st century American thing I’ve ever heard, and it’s also the most Newspaper Spider-Man I’ve ever heard, which means I guess Newspaper Spider-Man is the hero we deserve. How’s your revolution going? I heard it was going great! I think I read about it on Twitter or something.
Edge City, 6/20/13
Hey, let’s check in with obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin! Today, she’s obsessing neurotically that someone might find out that the cool dress she bought came from a consignment shop. Is this really a thing that anyone does? In my experience — and I’m a guy who buys clothes at thrift/vintage/consignment shops a lot — people who buy clothes at consignment shops generally cannot shut up about it.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/20/13
Does it look lik Sarah’s lucky day? It doesn’t look like Sarah’s feeling very lucky at all. It looks like Sarah just achieved a dream with virtually no effort on her part, again, just had something handed to her by adults who were obsequious towards her supposed budding talent for no reason, and yet can’t feel anything, not triumph or joy or anything else. Why is everything so easy? What’s out there that can truly challenge me? Is this numbness what death feels like?
Herb and Jamaal, 6/20/13
Hey, remember that Herb and Jamaal from years ago where Herb and Jamaal were pretty obviously having sex? Well, the first couple panels have changed, but they’re at it again, if by “it” you mean “having sex with each other without talking about it,” which is pretty clearly what they’re doing.