Archive for January, 2007

Wow – heavy themes in the midweek soapers. Thank Heaven those frisky beavers are around to distract us from all this sickness ‘n’ death!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/31/07

Cancer Gal is in remission! This “confuses” her: “Wait a minute! I thought I was in Funky Winkerbean!” But take heart, Les: the playground is reopening after a seven-month overhaul: cue the Barry White!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/31/07

Be afraid, May – the choice is yours: Emperor Palpatine June in panel two, or Patrick Nagel June in panel three – the choice is yours!

Judge Parker, 1/31/07

You know, Rachel, it’s really inconsiderate of you to die at so inconvenient a time! But I suppose you just weren’t giving any thought to my social plans, were you? Honestly!

Mary Worth, 1/31/07

Words fail: “What’s that, Mary? They don’t have Asian doctors where you are?”

Mark Trail, 1/31/07

Those muskrats got nothin’ on this pair! I hope you learned your lesson, Mr. Dick Morgan – “the animals are always right!”

Well, Monday was one of those days, with this site unaccountably down for a few hours, followed by the unavailability of the King Features Web site. Since King Features is the origin of most of the color comics we follow here, including Mary Worth, Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail, Judge Parker, Apartment 3G, and Rex Morgan, M.D., well, you can see the problem!

I’ll post a note here when I hear that King (and therefore the Chron) is back up, although some alert reader is sure to post the news in the comments before then.

Update 1/30/07 11:15 EST – King Features and Chron back up.
Many, many thanks to faithful readers gh and willethompson for scanning and sending MW, FW, RMMD and JP backups, but it appears the crisis has passed.

Until then, I have a confession to make:

Diesel Sweeties, 1/30/07

Robots terrify me. I’m convinced NASA made a big mistake sending them to Mars, and I bet they wouldn’t tell us about Elvis even if they found him. I felt a lot better about Darth Vader when I figured out there was a guy inside. I have a Roomba, but I keep an eye on it, and unplug it at night.

So I’m really ambivalent about Diesel Sweeties. It’s pretty smart about human/machine relationships, the IM-style graphics give it a distinctive look and can be surprisingly expressive, and I love love love the nonspatial references (like the Sweden flag here) that just pop in and out when they’re needed. On the other hand, the human characters are really shallow and there are too many of them – it’s like they’re in tryouts. The human/human relationship strips fall really flat. And, well, robots are evil. Everybody knows that.

Doonesbury, 1/30/07

In panel one, we have a robot; in panel three, Alex Doonesbury. If you’re looking to strike up a relationship of any kind, pick the robot. Alex is a self-obsessed, whiny, manipulative, spoiled, . . . well, I could go on and on. She is a twenty-four carat pain in the ass, even though she’s surrounded by some of the most engaging characters in all of comics. But she’s even though she’s completely unlikeable, she’s entertaining. See, Lynn? See? That’s how it’s done!

Luann, 1/30/07

This has nothing at all to do with technology, but gah. GAH! How many times will we have to sit through this same damn storyline? Aaron f’n Hill, Bernice’s wheelchair guy, Toni f’n Daytona, fill in the f’n blank. Now I like Greg Evans’ work! He draws cartoon people – particularly girls – better than almost anybody around, and his faces are expressive (compare with Foob’s “I have been hit with a baseball bat” universal reaction shot). But the guy can’t plot for stink. Luann, I’ve got sad, sad news for you. You’re marrying Gunther.

Okay, so maybe Sunday’s post was a little, er, gentle. Sorry! It’s hard to maintain Joshworthy levels of invective when you haven’t got, y’know, his digestive challenges. But I’ll make it up to you – here’s a quadruple helping of the most revolting muck ever to poison three seconds of your morning coffee break.

It’s Monday! Go nuts!

Zippy the Pinhead 1/29/07

This dripping, self-indulgent bolus of hipper-than-thou omphaloskepsis no longer stains even the benighted San Francisco Chronicle. Voted off in a reader poll. Deluded fans howled: such sweet, sweet music!

Quigmans 1/9/07

Hahahahaha! People are fat, stupid, ugly, and miserable! Hahaha! Vomit! Booger! Fartfartfart! Hahahahaha!

Grin and Bear It 1/29/07

They’ll Do It Every Time, lacking only the wit, draftsmanship, and goodwill.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, 1/24/07

A California bill to outlaw spanking of children was defeated when opponents circulated copies of The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee. Legislators have introduced a bill to require such spanking.

Okay, Chennux? Okay? Jeez – my tap shoes wore out, it hurts to sit, and I have no idea how to peel these things off my chest. What’d you stick them on with, grannix phlegm? It’s not funny, man — not funny!

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Most soap strips run recaps on Sunday, so Sunday-only readers can keep up without weekday readers missing any developments. Other story strips show little vignettes outside their current narratives, like Foob’s pet antics, band practice, and walks in the woods. Sweet stuff, sometimes, and a nice break.

The Phantom takes a different approach:

The Phantom, 1/27/07

The Phantom runs separate, unrelated stories on Sunday and throughout the week. In the current Sunday series, the Phantom is investigating strange lights in a kind of jungle Forbidden Zone. The lights are from four “dangerous men” in what look like a couple of Duesenbergs, chasing spunky aviatrix Beryl Markham. The twist is, Beryl Markham flew in the 1930’s and died an old woman 20 years ago. We don’t know whether the guys in the cars are equally time-warped, but since their search patterns followed exactly the same schedule and path every night, we’ve got our suspicions. And, well, because they’re driving Duesenbergs.

The Phantom has strong female characters – Beryl here, that village grandma in the daily strip, President Luaga’s fightin’ secretary, and the Phantom’s own daughter Heloise, who’s been bruited as the next Phantom. And the art, by Rex Morgan, M.D.’s Graham Nolan, suits the material well.

And if you like strong women and good art in adventure strips:

Steve Canyon 1/27/07

Alert reader Mr. O’Malley caught the announcement that this classic is being republished, apparently in order from the beginning, on the 60th anniversary of its original appearance. This is a real coup for the Humorous Maximus site, whose other offerings you may find, er, less distinguished. Steve Canyon author Milton Caniff was already a big deal when this strip appeared in 1947, from his work on Terry and the Pirates. This introductory Sunday installment already has some of the Caniff trademarks that would last through the 1980’s – exotic women, ineffectual supporting men, and tough-guy banter. Airplanes, the Cold War, and Poteet to follow. I highly recommend adding Steve Canyon to your daily reading.

No snark today – it’s Sunday! Enjoy!

Cathy, 1/27/07

Dilbert, 1/27/07

Kudzu, 1/26/07

Some comics get trapped by success. They build a big audience with a new message – professional women are insecure, cubicle life is tough, Southerners are people too. But their audiences develop expectations the authors are afraid to disappoint. So they stop taking chances. Creatively, the comics stop growing and die, often at the peak of their popularity. But they don’t go away. They keep going and going and going and merciful Heaven why don’t they stop stop just freakin’ STOP YOU HEAR ME CATHY I’M TALKIN’ TO YOU!

Ahem.

Everybody admires giants who walk away at the height of their game: Gary Larson, Bill Watterson – have there been any others?

But credit two authors trying to revive franchises that died long ago:

Garfield, 1/27/07

When he gives Jon Arbuckle a life, Jim Davis pushes Garfield out of the frame. And that could cost him a lot of desk calendars, Mylar® balloons, and suction-cup car toys. I don’t like Garfield, but I’m not the one keeping Davis in lasagna. So: bold move, pal. Way to go.

Mary Worth, 1/27/07

I owe Karen Moy a debt. I have followed Mary Worth since the freaking Kennedy administration without seeing a centimeter of character development. Now, in just six months, Mary is the center of the story, out of Charterstone, and showing the faint beginnings of self-awareness – even self-doubt. Baby steps, maybe – but steps. Thank you, Karen Moy!

OK, blah, blah, blah. Where am I going with this?

For Better or Worse, 1/27/07

Trapped between a huge, dim, slavishly-devoted audience and a self-satisfied, ham-handed Stalinist author, this strip is creatively as dead as they come. Yet it will run on and on as a Frankenstein’s monster stitched up from Mike’s mewling brats and zombies from the Good Old Days, glued up with glop from that “novel.”

But suppose somebody wanted to make it good — and without losing the current audience. Could they do that? How?