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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/28/09

I find it kind of strange that Loweezy doesn’t specify what the “big, round number” in question is. Given the poor state of health care in this isolated, rural hamlet, I’m guessing it’s 15, which is approximately middle age for the average denizen of Hootin’ Holler.

Dennis the Menace, 6/28/09

Usually saying his prayers is among the least threatening things Dennis does, but in today’s strip he appears for the most part to be praying for evil things. Presumably he’s beseeching not our loving God but his Dark Lord, Satan himself.

Family Circus, 6/28/09

Fun fact! According to the never-wrong Wikipedia, “if a film uses ‘one of the harsher sexually derived words’ (such as ‘fuck’) one to four times, it is routine today for the film to receive a PG-13 rating, provided that the word is used as an expletive and not with a sexual meaning.” In other words, Dolly, you can go ahead and drop that F-bomb on your little brother, as long as you only want to use it three more times over the remainder of your life.

Marvin, 6/28/09

We all knew that Marvin was a repugnant fountain of excrement, but who knew that he was a record-breaking fountain of excrement? I don’t usually praise the art in Marvin, but I do think Jenny’s expression has been skillfully done here. It wordlessly conveys the sense of “Huh, so it’s come to this. I thought I’d feel more pain at reaching this point, but it seems that I’m not feeling … anything at all. Probably for the best, really.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/28/09

I’m not really sure what June means by “more than try” here, nor am I sure that I want to know. “I HAVE DETERMINED THAT I HAVE REACHED THE FERTILITY OPTIMUM FOR BOY-CHILD CREATION! GIVE ME YOUR SEED AT ONCE, DR. MORGAN!”

Spider-Man, 6/28/09

Despite the implication in this week’s NEXT box, I’m hoping we follow Spidey’s path in this branching storyline, and get to see the relative money-returning skills … of a spider! “Wow, who knew there’d be so much paperwork involved?” (NEXT! Black or blue ink only!)

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/09

O CRUEL DISLOYALTY! Shep Trumbo’s sandy-haired sidekick, who’s felt no qualms about tagging along for the ride in Shep’s reign of prank-filled annoyingness, and who has otherwise kept such a low profile that I neither remember nor feel obliged to look up his name, has finally had enough! It’s one thing to loosen salt shaker lids and get Coach Thorp’s bludgeoning ranked #4 comedy video of the day on YouTube, but humiliating a young lady for her non-drunken, non-revealing, non-humiliating cardboard-bikini antics is quite another. Fortunately for Shep, his vengeful hanger-on is going to betray him by using idioms like “throw you under the bus” that no teenager will be able to understand, even if they are translated into moronic txt-speak.

Judge Parker, 6/27/09

Well, it appears that lovable underdog Sophie will not only be backed by her wealthy and influential parents, her parents’ celebrity friends, and the school administration, but the entire student body as well! I’m particularly charmed by the Sophie’s Choice-themed sign in the foreground in panel two, as it implies that after their defeat, the snobby cheerleading girls will be sent back in time to die in the Holocaust.

Mark Trail, 6/27/09

“I’ll have my brother meet with us tomorrow! I have an idea … why don’t you join us for dinner? I’ll make sure that he has the information you want, and our mother will be happy to vomit half-digested worms and insects down all of our throats!”

Ziggy, 6/27/09

Ha ha! The side of Ziggy’s face will soon be covered with mollusk barf!

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/26/09

“You see, Kayla, eventually, like everything I touch, you will die, in pain. The question is, will you have made enough of an emotional impression on me to leave me wistful and emotionally bruised for the next decade? Will your brave but ultimately doomed fight against mortality bring a wistful, noble tear to my eye, and to the eyes of millions of readers across the country? Will you have finally broken through Summer’s shell of reserve, leaving her shattered at the knowledge that she might have had the mother figure in her life that she’s always needed? In short, we need time to build up that kind of emotional baggage, and frankly I don’t think we’re going to get there by enjoying ourselves, with sex.”

Family Circus, 6/26/09

It’s kind of true: since Billy isn’t allowed to wander outside the compound walls or to watch the devil’s “television” box, his only guide to appropriate behavior is the Old Testament, which, for all of its merits, has relatively little information on children’s leisure activities.

Baldo, 6/26/09

Tia Carmen and Baldo have a shared interest in very specific kinds of fetish pornography, a bond that draws them closer but that they very rarely acknowledge.