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I normally don’t do this, but let’s backtrack a day to yesterday’s Gasoline Alley:

Gasoline Alley, 1/9/11

This is an actually rather poignant fantasy sequence in which Slim begs God to help him control his appetite. In awful display of self-loathing, Slim attempts to condition himself away from overeating by visualizing delicious foodstuffs as being created by horrifying demons, in hell. And how does God respond to Slim’s prayers?

Gasoline Alley, 1/10/11

Apparently by inspiring him with insatiable hunger, by means of the Bible! Though it could be that this Bible has become so mangled and rearranged that it has accidentally summoned up some of the food demons from yesterday’s strip. Another possible explanation is that Slim is just hungry.

Hi and Lois, 1/10/11

Meanwhile, Dot and Ditto seem eager to give thanks to God, despite the fact that He has cursed them with deformed lobster-claw hands.

Marvin, 1/10/111

You know, when most babies show a signs that they might become ill, the adults who care for them show concern, monitoring their health and perhaps even seeking medical attention. But that doesn’t apply to Marvin, the worst baby in the world! Instead, his family has abandoned him on the couch, hopefully to die.

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Spider-Man, 1/9/11

I have to admit that the current “love underground” Spider-Man storyline is the strip’s most (accidentally?) entertaining in years, probably its best since we met the Shocker in 2007. I’m trying to decide what I like best about today’s installment. Is it the way Spidey nobly leaps into action for once, only to be immediately and crushingly defeated? Is it the fact that the artist managed to shoehorn a completely gratuitous cleavage shot into the final panel? Here’s a more subtle source of potential amusement: the throwaway panels feature the whole Uncle Ben Spider-Man origin story, featuring Ben’s huge, impassive face glowering down at his grieving wife and nephew. Could this hideous green underground monster actually be Ben’s soul, emerging from the Stygian depths to stop his wife from finally moving on and finding love again? If so, the afterlife is apparently nothing at all like the scenarios the major religions have tried to sell us.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/9/11

“I mean, he’s still being a supercilious dick to people who are just doing their jobs, but he doesn’t really seem to be deriving his usual level of smug enjoyment from it, you know?”

Crock, 1/9/11

“And now, to complete this hilarious prank, I’ll throw myself to my death out of an airplane! I sure will be laughing as I look down on my grieving mother, from heaven! Heh heh!”

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Beetle Bailey, 1/8/11

I’m pretty sure that the Halftrack Hatefest Follies are my very least favorite Beetle Baileys, and today’s strip is a good example of why. I mean, Jesus. I’m pretty sure there isn’t even a joke here. Mrs. Halftrack: “I’m married to you and I hate you so God-damn much and I don’t know what else to do so I’m just going to yell at you, literally from the moment I wake up in the morning to the moment I fall asleep at night.” General Halftrack: “[Unspoken thoughts of rage and anguish and murder and suicide.]”

Shoe, 1/8/11

Today’s Shoe is marginally better; at least there’s something identifiable as a punchline on offer. But the half-dozen empties in front of the senator and the tremble lines around him are perhaps a bit much for larfs. I do like the way Shoe’s sly enabler’s smile gives way to horror when he hears that Belfrey has actually managed to injure himself due to drink. Even Shoe has limits to the depravity in others in which he takes delight!