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Gil Thorp, 11/14/24

I don’t know why but it infuriates me that Marty is casually dropping “P.I.O.” into his patter. We get it, Marty, you know that they’re called “public information officers” and not “press secretaries” now, you’re very in the know and up to date and yet you still couldn’t convince them to violate HIPAA and tell you what’s wrong with Gil Thorp’s heart and brain, blah blah blah.

Mary Worth, 11/14/24

“Wouldn’t that be wild? Wouldn’t that be crazy! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” [the waiter arrives; Mary and Jeff order their usual dishes and spend the rest of the evening eating in silence]

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/14/24

“You seein’ the pattern here, buddy? Long story short, I need you to hit me in the head with this shovel as hard you can. I’ll be rich!”

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Gil Thorp, 11/13/24

Oh yeah, remember Coach Perm Gerads, who briefly seemed like he might be Gil’s new nemesis but then he got beat up by his own students? Well, this sent him on a downward spiral into madness that delivered him here, his perm now stringy and wild, promising to eat a shoe for the amusement of the sort of layabouts and yahoos who watch local TV during the middle of the day. Gil at one point was doing his own ads for this used car impresario, and if you need to know what this Valley Conference grandee thinks of the relative strengths of the Goshen and Milford squads, run the numbers on the proposed trade here: if Goshen wins, Fox promises to reduce their revenues by 50% indefinitely, which would swiftly bankrupt the dealership, and if Milford wins, Coach Gerards will livestream himself doing something humiliating, which will cost Fox nothing and also bring new subscribers to the dealership’s various social channels.

Judge Parker, 11/13/24

I would’ve thought that Problematic Age Gap Discourse was very late 2023/early 2024, but apparently we’re going to get some in Judge Parker, which is fine because I find Glen’s facial expression in panel one very amusing. Also I will note that he is supposed to be in his early 20s and has shown up for his date with his college sophomore girlfriend wearing a grey suit jacket and a white dress shirt, which may signal a Problematic Coolness Gap that the stubble simply cannot mitigate.

Gasoline Alley, 11/13/24

I feel like “Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids!” is a pretty ominous statement, like it clearly implies that this is the last they’ll see of them, and the final panel really doesn’t fully walk it back. What does Arty the AI know about certain Events that will happen in the next twelve months that will result in these children, and possibly the rest of our species, never seeing Saturn’s rings again? Guess we’ll find out, haha!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/13/24

Finally, after nearly 80 years, “Bunky” has returned to this strip. Who knows what sort of wild, exciting gags this will provide opportunities for? [LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER] Hey, you guys heard about this pumpkin spice stuff? You heard about this?

Dennis the Menace, 11/13/24

Aw, look at Martha’s face! Even after all these years she’s tickled by George’s bullshit. I think it’s sweet!

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Blondie, 11/11/24

Remember just weeks ago, when Dagwood dismissed the pumpkin spice concept, now in its second decade, as a mere passing craze? Well, apparently he’s finally taken a single sip of a chain coffee shop’s pumpkin spice latte and now? Now he can’t get enough. It’s no longer a goofy, female-coded trend that Dagwood as a middle-aged suburbanite chuckles at with amusement: now it’s associated with the consumption of foodstuffs, triggering the most primal urges of Dagwood the endlessly insatiable Appetite.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/11/24

Remember a few years back, when Mud was Truck’s rival for Wanda’s affections? Well, now he’s been thoroughly brainwashed and those days are long behind him, to the extent that he’s now learned about Truck and Wanda’s engagement and only feels overwhelming tenderness for the two of them and wants the best for their future happiness. I swear that panel two here is the closest I’ve ever seen to someone with heart eyes without actually having hearts drawn in their eyes.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/24

Remember last month, when Gil had a massive heart attack, from coaching stress? Gil does! Gil would rather not have another one. And sure, his assistant coaches simply cannot coax wins out of the Mudlarks, but was Gil ever that good at coaxing wins out of his team, really? Something to think about as he takes a long, luxurious sip of coffee. You know, it really is better when you make it in a French press, but who has the time? Well, Gil does, now!

Mary Worth, 11/11/24

Remember when Estelle and Ed got married, just last week? Well, Dr. Jeff doesn’t think they’re going to last. Just a gut feeling he has, mostly based on their fundamental incompatibility and the way they used Mary’s trite advice to paper over a big gulf in what they expect out of a relationship. We’ll see, though! Ha ha!

Marvin, 11/11/24

Remember in 1776, when the U.S. threw off the yoke of British rule? Well, Marvin clearly doesn’t, as his new boat pledges allegiance to His Majesty Charles III of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Honestly, it makes me sick.