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Mark Trail, 10/19/12

Oh, man, I can tell it’s going to be hard to not just post Mark Trail and say “THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!” every day during the current Mark Trail storyline. It is pretty fantastic, though! I myself would rather take a fancy boat than the vague promise of money, since I assume there are people who would pay good money for a fancy boat. But I don’t know how liquid the black fancy boat market is at present? I also thought at first that our villain was winking lasciviously as he urged Mark into his boat, but now I’m pretty sure that he’s actually experiencing a stroke.

Judge Parker, 10/19/12

Obviously I always knew that this Judge Parker storyline wasn’t going to end with Avery’s bloody death, but I thought it would take more than a week to get from “Bubba threatens to dismember Avery with a chainsaw in a dank abandoned mine shaft” to “Bubba and Avery relax, drink scotch, and talk about modern art in a climate-controlled abandoned mine shaft.”

Heathcliff, 10/19/12

Heathcliff, everybody! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this blog for more than eight years and haven’t taken on America’s second-favorite long-running cartoon cat. But Heathcliff will be in my rotation from now on! Anyway, it turns out that Heathcliff is kind of an asshole.

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Heathcliff, 11/5/12

So I’m still trying to get my bearings on Heathcliff? Heathcliff and Marmaduke have different syndicates, but they seem in some ways to be one-panel animal companions — indeed, both have Sunday features (“Kitty Korner” and “Dog Gone Funny,” respectively) where people can write in with very mildly amusing stories about their pets that never seem to involve urine or vomit, unlike most of the pet stories people tell me. Nevertheless, Heathcliff is not a Marmadukean soul-destroying hell-monster, but rather a mid-level thug who lives a self-satisfied and comfortable existence occasionally interrupted (but also at the same time sustained?) by dealing out violence to those who irritate him. Today, though, we see that he’s a lover as well as a fighter, and indeed his erotic life is much stranger than his sadly predictable acts of aggression. While our focus in this panel is rightly on the cat that’s tongue-kissing a kitchen appliance, we should also spare a thought for the human woman who regards this sordid little scene and reacts not with disgust or bafflement but instead with a sort of wistful jealousy.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/5/12

Oh no … the heavy-lidded grin … the admission that he’s had time to prepare a response on this topic … the opportunity to set the record straight on the importance of sequential art as a means of serious expression … WE ARE APPROACHING FUNKY WINKERBEAN SMUG LEVEL ALPHA, REPEAT, SMUG LEVEL ALPHA … TAKE SHELTER WHERE AVAILABLE … MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS

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Herb and Jamaal, 11/14/12

Jamaal mangles the ancient punchline, “… twelve people too stupid to get out of jury duty”, and outs himself as an idiot.

Pluggers, 11/14/12

… b-but the joke is that Spaniel-man is spending exactly the same time looking for his glasses and wearing them. Right? Am I missing some subtlety here? Oh, wait — it’s Pluggers.

Phantom, 11/14/12

It’s time for Hide the Lion — and anybody can play! Hot Queen is ticked, and the mighty Llongo warriors look all mopey. Everything is proceeding as Pissy Elder has forseen.

Heathcliff, 11/14/12

Garfield is disgusting. Oh, wait, this is Heathcliff. Well, Garfield is disgusting too, but this is Heathcliff.

Apartment 3-G, 11/14/12

Hey, it’s Six Differences time again! Can you spot the changes Greg has made to Mrs. Bloom’s apartment? Moving the invisible piano doesn’t count. (Hint: he locked the Taser® up with the sex toys. Margo’s in for one hell of a night.)

Spider-Man, 11/14/12

Yes, Peter — Sherry would have dug Genghis Khan, and you would have dug out the yak wallow behind his yurt.

— Uncle Lumpy