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Mary Worth, 6/9/07

Ah, what a revealing sibling diptych in the wake of the meeting that was so long in coming! On the right, we have Vera, brought to spasms of uncontrollable weeping as years of suppressed emotion wrench their way out of her soul. On the left, we have Von, who’s head is vaguely itchy. Remember, kids: alcohol is your ticket out of undesirably intrusive emotional experiences!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/9/07

Man, for a guy who thinks his friend’s husband is long dead in the icy North Atlantic, Rex is sure looking cheery in panel two. “Yeah, why don’t you go over and console Heather, soothe her grief, do woman stuff, whatever … while I get the house all to myself! For me and anyone I want to invite over. Lucky for me I wore my grooviest shirt today!”

Hi and Lois, 6/9/07

Dude, child labor is so much cheaper!

Apartment 3-G, 6/9/07

Sleepy, disheveled, nighty-clad Margo? Bliss. Sleepy, disheveled, nighty-clad, ragingly self-absorbed Margo? Rapture.

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Gil Thorp, 6/8/07

Dum dee dum, oh look, it’s Gil Thorp, where the characters are always an oddly drawn band of quasi-humans. Yes, there they are, strangely shaped, but I’m totally used to that by now … I’ll just move on to the final panel and see YEEEARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Man, I guess Brynna Antenna got sick of being called “Brynna Antenna,” but was unable to conceive of any other hairstyle, and so just decided to go for the Lt. Ilia look. Now that her antennae are gone, all her psychic powers are just radiating out from her shiny bald pate.

The Milford Lady Mudlarks softball team is now officially the jumpiest-to-conclusionist bunch in the comics pages. First they assume that Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp has cancer because of a half-overheard phone conversation, then Brynna Baldie shaves her head in premature solidarity — before finding out whether or not her coach will have to undergo chemo, or even whether the other girls on the team are on board. Of course, since she’s Tyler’s girlfriend, it should come as no surprise that she lurches into ill-advised schemes. Hopefully they’ll get to room together at the mental hospital.

Oh, yeah, speaking of Tyler … the long delayed Self-Clubbing Tyler winner will be announced … MONDAY! So you’ll have all weekend to let your anticipatory excitement BUILD!

Mark Trail, 6/8/07

The wide-eyed, terrified, badly banged Sam Hill we see in panel two is perhaps one of the most wonderful images in recent Mark Trail history, even when the high bar established by the savage duck attack in panel one is taken into consideration. I particularly like the fact that for some reason the space in her open mouth has been left gleaming white. It’s as if she’s simultaneously shouting in terror and gritting her teeth in grim determination.

Her ludicrous facial expression might be best explained not by the swarm of highly trained attack ducks, but by the fact that her cravat is obviously too tight, cutting off blood flow to the head.

Apartment 3-G, 6/8/07

It took long enough, but Apartment 3-G has finally figured out how to make this “Lu Ann Is Hospitalized At Tommie’s Hospital” storyline interesting. Lu An having seizures? BORING! Tommie in her professional environment? BORING! Margo disheveled in a nightie? Now we’re talking. Hopefully we’ll get to see her bathroom preparations (yes, Lu Ann’s in the hospital, but Margo does not just roll out of bed and leave the apartment) so we can see what sort of shampoo she uses to maintain that Mary Tyler Moore/Marilyn Quayle hair flip all night.

Archie, 6/8/07

I thought I’d share with you a little of the code from the algorithm that powers the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000:

if
  assessLameness(joke.this) > Unspeakable
then
  insertDrawing(BettysAssCrack)

Shoe, 6/8/07

Ha ha! It’s funny because Roz’s boyfriend is an alcoholic!

Wait, Roz has a boyfriend?

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Apartment 3-G, 6/6/07

“And now … CHOKE … SOB … she needs me more than ever and I’m too self-absorbed!”

Tommie’s level of self-absorption is actually fairly impressive, considering how boring she is. I mean, Margo is pretty into herself, but we’re all into her too, so it sort of makes sense.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/6/07

The sad thing is that this game of misery one-upmanship is what passes for flirting in Funky Winkerbean. At least nobody’s thrown up on anybody yet.

Mark Trail, 6/6/07

The sad thing is that this dialog — which, I’m pretty sure, is what you’d get if you gave a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and tried to have them reproduce the horse-racing scene from The Big Sleep — is what passes for flirting in Mark Trail. At least he isn’t starting things off with a game of “Got your nose!”