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Herb and Jamaal, 6/14/14

I’m honestly curious about what the backstory is on today’s Herb and Jamaal, in which Herb has charged into Rev. Croom’s office to angrily challenge his entire belief system. Is this happening after yet another Sunday service that Herb’s family dragged him to, and something in the sermon finally pushed him over the edge until he couldn’t stay quiet anymore? Or was he just sitting at work, stewing over Croom’s unshakeable faith in the unprovable, until eventually he just barged into the Reverend’s office hours (do clergy have office hours? seems like a thing they’d have) demanding that he make room in his mental universe for doubt? At any rate, the final panel proves that Herb is helpless before the power of wordplay.

Apartment 3-G, 6/14/14

Jack’s been going on forever about dealing with some ghosts, and I guess I always assumed he was being metaphorical, but now I’m not so sure? If he comes riding back with the ghost of his dead wife captured in some kind of Ghostbusters-style spectral containment unit, I’ll be willing to forgive a lot about this storyline.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/14/14

Oh, sorry, the God of the Funkyverse isn’t actually trying to stop Wally and Rachel’s wedding, just drive it into Montoni’s, where by immutable law all economic and social activity in Westview must take place. They don’t call Montoni’s “The Wedding Chapel of Love” for nothing! Actually, nobody calls it that, but Funky refuses to stop trying to make it a thing.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/14

Hmm, good work, Sarah: you’re not going into this counterattack alone, but rather inspiring an army of minions to join you, recognizing who the enemies of your enemies are. Not only will there be strength in numbers for this specific confrontation, but the other children will now be tied to you for life by their joint participation in an act of unspeakable violence. “Hmm, not sure why I didn’t think of this myself!” their teacher thinks, before slowly backing out of the room and locking the door from the outside.

Apartment 3-G, 6/12/14

Yup, Dr. Jack is just going to hand his farm/large animal veterinary practice (?)/Tommie Thompson labor re-education program over to Carol, who is qualified … to take care of it all … somehow? This is the weirdest, vaguest, boringest, most confusing, least interesting Apartment 3-G plot in years, which I hope you all recognize as really saying something.

Mary Worth, 6/12/14

“Sure, if by ‘all together on vacation’ you mean ‘they hand me over to some lady they’ve literally known for 45 seconds while they wander off and go do whatever,’ that’s exactly what’s happening here!”

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Beetle Bailey, 6/7/14

Oh, look, it’s more fun on The Halftracks Hate Each Other Saturday! The joke here, I think, is that while the General might view his zany “KISS THE CHEF” apron as a marker of his laff-a-minute attitude towards life (and it did genuinely take me a minute to parse the idea that “KISS THE CHEF” is supposed to be “funny,” rather than just some kind of weird long-standing cliche), it only serves to remind his wife of his notorious roving eye and lack of affection for her. If that’s the joke, it would have worked better if the Halftracks had been hosting a cookout party of some sort and there were lots of party guests present, pretty ladies among them; we’ve never seen any such thing happen, presumably because the General’s entire social life consists of playing golf with his sycophantic mid-level officers, and his wife seems to have no friends to speak of. In the context of what we actually see here — which is to say, the General is grilling two hamburgers, because he and his wife are the only ones eating and are the only ones there — a more reasonable guess at the punchline would be that Mrs. Halftrack is repulsed by the idea of physical contact with her husband and rebelling against suggestions that she initiate it, though honestly that seems a little dark for this strip.

Dick Tracy, 6/7/14

So this slo-mo intermittent Dick Tracy-Little Orphan Annie crossover is still happening, I guess! Today, Daddy Warbucks is brazenly offering to straight-up bribe whatever city Dick patrols (Neo-Chicago?) so that the police department will assign its best officer to his particular case. He’s … supposed to be a good guy, I think?

Apartment 3-G, 6/7/14

At last, the setup promised by this strip has been realized! Anyway, if a deer and a horse can be friends, if by “be friends” you mean “be in proximity to each other for a few minutes while the deer is literally being held in place,” then sure, there is hope for us all, if by “there’s hope for us all” you mean “this alleged deer-horse relationship tells us nothing about the human condition or our potential for happiness or intimacy with our fellow beings.”

Dennis the Menace, 6/7/14

I mean, he’s making you dig your own grave, Dennis, so, probably! It’s not like you’ve got a lot more years to look forward to, if you catch my drift.