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Shoe, 3/11/22

We’re all of course, familiar with Shoe’s patented goggle-eyes of horror and heavy-lidded eyes of ennui. But today we have what I think is a new one: the heavy-lidded eyes of horniness. See the Perfesser in panel two? That, my friend, is the face of a bird-man who’s about to go jerk off to some pictures cut out of pornographic magazines by the Czech scam artists who are catfishing him by mail, and it’s going to be the high point of his week.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/11/22

Speaking of masturbation, I guess I was wrong, Marianne is going to acknowledge Lisa, and in fact is about to announce that Lisa should’ve won this Oscar. She wasn’t an actress, of course, but she did die of cancer, which is the greatest performance of all, if you think about it.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/11/22

Ha ha, these kids don’t understand the basic concepts of music! In a related question, how do you think the noises they’re making on those instruments sound? I’m guessing pretty bad!

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Mary Worth, 2/28/22

Look, folks, if you can’t handle “Josh falls in love with a new Mary Worth plot” after so many damn years on this blog, then I don’t even know why you’re reading this blog at this point, but I am definitely in love with today’s strip, in which Cal and “Ms. C” flirt by flinging a frisbee back and forth at one another at point-blank range. See, Cal’s mom, playing frisbee isn’t a waste of time, because if Toby manages to break Cal’s hand, he’s probably guaranteed an A in her class and he won’t even have to go anymore.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/28/22

One of my low-key favorite running bits in Snuffy Smith is that Snuffy constantly cheats at poker and routinely gets the shit beat out of him for it. Anyway, I really enjoy today’s strip because you can see everyone’s face begin to darken between panels one and two and realize that another explosion of brutal violence is on the horizon. Lukey is unconcerned about the coming assault on his best friend, though. It’s none of his business! Snuffy brought it on himself, as usual!

Slylock Fox, 2/28/22

The answer to the riddle is that someone gave birth on this cursed sea voyage, and I for one am upset that there’s some adorable baby animal on board that we don’t get to see, even though it probably would’ve given away the answer. Anyway that baby is dead now! It drowned, because there weren’t enough life jackets.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/28/22

I know I call Pete “Mopey Pete” all the time on this blog, but even I’m surprised to hear that he’s always “lightening the mood” around the Atomic Comix bullpen with propaganda for the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. “Have you met any of the people in this comic strip?” he asks. “We’re all completely irredeemable.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/15/22

Look, I have very little credentials to speak as a “Hollywood insider” of any sort, but I feel very confident in saying that box office failures that got zero promotion from the studios that produced them do not get Oscar nominations. They simply do not! Either the studio thinks there’s an Oscar-worthy performance in it, in which case it does promote the movie, at least as something art-house-y award-worthy, or the movie finds an audience perhaps unexpectedly and then the studios do some “for your consideration” lobbying as awards season approaches. Performances in movies nobody saw or liked (“nobody” here meaning both general audiences and film snobs/critics) definitely do not get nominations just out of the blue, buzz-free, no matter how moving they are or how much awareness of breast cancer they raise. Anyway, I guess Mason is saying she’s up for an Oscar nomination rather than she’s actually been nominated, so … maybe the studio is doing a late push, or something? But, overall, if the woman playing Les’s dead wife in a low-budget flop wins an Oscar, I will officially declare that less realistic than the time this strip burned down Los Angeles and created millions of refugees.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/15/22

The days in which people gave the Morgans heaps of money and free boats for no reason seem to be over, for the most part, but you have to admit that a jailhouse snitch derailing Rene’s likely-to-succeed lawsuit out of the goodness of his heart is functionally the same thing as giving them a bunch of money, if you think about it mathematically.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/15/22

Would I have ever predicted that Snuffy Smith would meet his end not at the hands of Sheriff Tait or an aggrieved member of the Barlow clan, but would rather be torn to pieces by a dozens angry squirrels? No, but I’m not complaining about it.