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Gil Thorp, 4/25/22

We all know the sad story of Gregg, the pitcher who secretly can’t see. Now we’re learning that his dad desperately doesn’t want to be seen. Is there a correlation here? Is the father secretly slipping blinding pills (?) into his son’s meals so he can live the unperceived life he dreams of? Is Gregg spending all day staring into the sun as an act of love for his dad? This is Gil Thorp’s weirdest and most byzantine family drama yet!

Daddy Daze, 4/25/22

I’ve never parented a toddler so I might be getting outside my lane here, but … like … he’s a toddler, man. Or a baby? Honestly I’m not sure where the dividing line is and where the magical Daddy Daze child lands in relation to it, but, still: Did you really expect him to catch a frisbee? I honestly would be very much less surprised by a baby trying to carry a frisbee in his mouth than I would be by a baby actually catching a frisbee. I can barely catch a frisbee.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/24/22

“Haw haw! My marriage is in a shambles!” [everyone’s tongue lolls grotesquely]

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/22/22

“Not only that, but his extreme laziness has inspired this whole town to shun honest work in the only profitable industry within a hundred miles of Hootin’ Holler: coal mining. You’re welcome, the Earth!”

Mary Worth, 4/22/22

Haha, Toby for this entire storyline has been like “Improper relationship? With me? And Cal? Helen? Is this what you’re implying? This makes no sense! I literally don’t understand the sentences you’re constructing on this topic! Truly baffling! It’s like you’re speaking Albanian!”, but all Ian has to do is casually mention that sometimes students pretend to flirt with teachers to improve their grades and Toby immediately goes to “that boy WANTS to fuck me and how DARE you say otherwise, he undresses me with his eyes for the entirety of every class and I LIKE IT”

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Gil Thorp, 4/12/22

Can’t believe it’s taken the Milford student-athlete body this long to figure out Coach Thorp’s main weaknesses: he isn’t very smart, and he doesn’t pay a lot of attention to any of his specific individual coachees. If you can trick him into forming a positive opinion of you during a ritual reciting of the names, you’ve got a real leg up!

Gasoline Alley, 4/12/22

Dick Tracy and Gasoline Alley are both syndicated by Tribune Publishing, and with everyone trying to exploit in-house IP to the max these days, it should come as no surprise to see innovative experiments in crossover content synergy like this week’s rapidly escalating Dick Tracy porno. Tribune also owns Gil Thorp, so don’t be surprised to see another special erotic guest star by the end of the week.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/12/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because … poor public health infrastructure has resulted in Hootin’ Holler being ravaged by infectious disease? And it’s hit the children the hardest? That’s the punchline?