Archive: B.C.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/7/12

So Rex Morgan saved a lady’s life with CPR and has, in his inimitable way, been a sullen dick about it ever since. Everyone’s been thanking him and telling him that he’s on YouTube and the world thinks he’s a hero and he’s just gotten madder and madder about it. I sincerely hope he uses this impromptu press conference as an opportunity to just tell everyone in the world how dumb they are and how much he hates them. “Yes, if administered correctly, CPR absolutely saves lives! Too bad most of you incompetent yahoos won’t do it correctly, leaving a trail of corpses with shattered sternums behind you. Here, here’s my long list of everything that’s wrong with everyone who’s not me!”

B.C., 11/7/12

Whoa, did B.C. just make a radical statement on the day after the election, announcing that our democracy is nothing but a sham and that the military-industrial complex is the true winner no matter how we vote? I mean, probably not, but the alternative explanation is gibbering madness, so let’s say yes.

Pluggers, 11/7/12

Pluggers, meanwhile, are glad that pesky election stuff is over so they can concentrate on what’s really important to them: their disgusting bodily functions, and pills that might make them even more disgusting.

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B.C., 10/27/12

Ha ha, yes, because pirates were known for their … lack of respect for others’ personal space? Along with the pillaging and murder? Yaarrrr?

I know I should be impressed that these primitive cave-dwelling hominids have mastered writing at all, but I think a big banner that says “HALLOWEEN PARTY” hanging up at a Halloween party is a little on the nose.

Mary Worth, 10/27/12

NO NO NO SECOND PANEL MUCH TOO CLOSE BACK UP BACK UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BACK UP

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Hagar the Horrible, 10/15/12

“Maybe I shouldn’t have spent the night before I led my men into a brutal, hand-to-hand combat, during which they must either kill or be killed, filling their heads with tales of damned souls, wandering the earth as dim spectres, mere shadows of their former selves. Which thought do you think is more likely to jump into their heads unbidden it the midst of this violent melee: that they themselves will be felled in battle and their shade will live on, with the wounds and terror they feel now continuing for eternity? Or that, for the rest of their lives, every time they feel a prickling on the back of their neck or an unseasonably icy wind across their face, they’ll suspect that it’s the vengeful spirit of a man they cut down, haunting them until they succumb to madness and terror?”

Hi and Lois, 10/15/12

Ha, and if Hi’s face is any indication, he sure has earned the right to use the word “boring”! If Hi’s face is any indication, today was the day when his capacity to feel joy or pain or anything at all really was finally snuffed out by the intense ennui of mindless, soulless corporate dronery. Get used to that face, kids, it’s the only one he can make now!

Slylock Fox, 10/15/12

In order for the Slylockian world anthropomorphic animals to exist, there must be some kind of apocalyptic event in our future and their past, during which the lower beasts achieved sentience and most of the human population was wiped out, presumably violently. Normally I don’t take this personally, but something about today’s strip, in which we learn that these horror-monsters are riding our subway to our Brooklyn, makes me angry. You didn’t build that, hippo-thing! Neither did you, shirt-wearing cat! The thought of the Museum of Natural History, presumably now retooled and dedicated to the animals’ triumph over the now exterminated human race, particularly sickens me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/12

Oh my goodness, I sure hope that “the party business” is the euphemism for prostitution that the writer of Rex Morgan and King Features Syndicate agreed on after several tortuous weeks of negotiations! Junior knows, and so does that cheery looking couple sitting on the bench. “That Junior, he runs the best brothel in San Diego County, doesn’t he, Martha?” “You can say that again, dear!”

B.C., 10/15/12

Hey! I just flew Southwest yesterday, and as usual the flight and service were excellent, and not once did anyone attempt to feed me something that they barfed and/or shat out (sorry, I’ve already grossed myself out enough just thinking about this, not going to look up how gizzards actually work, I’m afraid there’ll be pictures).

Spider-Man, 10/15/12

You know, the modern, Internet-savvy newsroom is a high-pressure, 24/7 operation, so it’s nice to see that J. Jonah Jameson still takes time to humiliate his employees with elaborate, improvised, and extremely sarcastic little skits.