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For Better Or For Worse, 10/9/06

Well! The witnesses need to stay in town, you say? That sure is inconvenient for any of the witnesses that might have out-of-town boyfriends that they’re trying to build a relationship with! And plenty convenient for total losers who have nowhere else to go but might be able to wear down the objects of their affection with their constant mewly, schlumpy presence! Yes, it appears that every aspect of Liz’s near-rape ordeal has been calculated to ease Anthony’s wooing process. Years from now, they had better have a good child therapist on retainer for the moment when their kids finally ask the inevitable “So how did you guys finally get together” question.

Note also that Anthony is staring at Liz’s ass in the first panel.

I’d say that we’re at least going to get an introduction to Canada’s fascinating, British-derived legal system out of all this, but surely the only law this strip will be obeying is the Law of Narrative Convenience. For starters, who exactly is this bald fellow our power couple is talking to? Ontario’s official Junior Minister for Exposition?

B.C., 10/9/06

Things this deranged B.C. might possibly mean:

1. Columbus’ actions upon his “discovery” of Hispaniola began a legacy of enslavement and genocide that forever tainted the European colonial enterprise in the Americas.
2. What we need are more leaders like Columbus, who don’t let considerations of “political correctness” prevent them from getting done what needs to be done.
3. Them colored folk sure are good at the ball games.
4. MADNESS MADNESS MADNESS

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/9/06

“Elvis.” Huh. I … I don’t think any of us were expecting that. Well played, Rex Morgan, well played.

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/22/06

Grimm is about to euthanized.

Slylock Fox, 9/22/06

This adorable bunny is about to collapse from thirst and then be killed by a poisonous snake bite. Afterwards, its corpse will be eaten by vultures.

Mary Worth, 9/22/06

A drunken Aldo Kelrast has gone careening off an extremely ill-placed cliff. His body is about to be shattered, as is his bottle of liquor, which he seems to be desperately trying to protect.

Mark Trail, 9/22/06

Molly the bear and Andy the dog are about to either drown or tumble over a waterfall. Meanwhile, Hoyt demonstrates that he lacks the charisma necessary to hold an angry mob together for very long.

(Of course, we all know that Molly and Andy are going to be fine. It’s interesting to note that, as near as I can tell from people’s comments and my own reactions, Molly has engendered more of an emotional attachment among Mark Trail readers than any human character this strip has ever seen.)

B.C., 9/22/06

Clumsy Carp cannot afford the medicine upon which his life depends. The prehistoric caveman pharmacist looks on smugly.

(And wow, I never thought I’d be saying this about B.C., but: Hey, Pluggers! If you want to make this joke, only actually kind of funny, this is the way to do it.)

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B.C., 9/13/06

I can no longer get worked up about the fact that B.C. makes jokes about semi-obscure aspects of golf culture as if everyone’s going to get it, or the fact that said jokes aren’t funny even for those who know what the strip’s referring to. However, I do have to object to this strip being based around not just a lame-ass joke, but the totally incorrect genre of lame-ass joke. The fact that whatshisname and, uh, the other one are standing around the “Show Me” rock means that this ought to be an example of the strip’s patented non-hilarious “Show Me” joke, where the cavedude on the left starts a sentence with “Show me” and the cavedude on the right comes up with a pithy and supposedly witty response. (Actual non-hilarious example from 1990 that I found online: “Show me a girl who curls up with a good novel every night…” “…and I’ll show you a broad who lives in a bookmobile.”) This strip may provide evidence for one of my darker suspicions: that Johnny Hart has dozens of predrawn “Show Me” strips (and, presumably, “You Know” strips and “Wiley’s Dictionary” strips) just waiting for the dialogue to be filled in, and today he was so worked up about rude golf spectators that he just sort of forgot that he was supposed to do a “Show Me” joke.

The saddest part is that this bit could actually have been done as a legitimate “Show Me” strip: “Show me a golf tournament where they shout ‘You the man!’…” “…and I’ll show you a golf tournament that sells tickets to morons, too.” It does some violence to the joke and isn’t very funny, but hey, this is B.C.

Mark Trail, 9/13/06

Boy, when this Mark Trail storyline got started, it seemed like it was going to be about poaching. Three months ago, who could have predicted that it would climax with an angry mob led by a sinister chicken-kicking beekeeper attempting to kill a lovable, confused tame bear who almost killed her owner by french-kissing him while he was driving? How do they come up with these twists and turns for the plot? I bet it helps to be totally insane.

For Better Or For Worse, 9/13/06

Yesterday we learned that when Anthony thinks sexy thoughts about Liz, Liz looks sexy. Today we learn that when Liz thinks sexy thoughts about Anthony, Liz looks sexy. Presumably this imbalance exists because it’s not possible for Anthony to look sexy.

Pluggers, 9/13/06

You’re a plugger when your prescriptions cost more than your groceries, but every time anyone tries to discuss some kind of socialized medicine program, you start ranting about “God damn liberal commie Hillary-care.”

Apartment 3-G, 9/13/06

And that was the day that Tommie decided for sure that she liked girls better.