Post Content

Gearhead Gertie, 11/20/25

Gearhead Gertie’s loved ones are trying to break through her epistemological bubble that only allows her to think about NASCAR nonstop through the power of art. They started simple, with representational paintings; unfortunately, she was quickly able to assimilate that concept into her warped worldview by conflating the signifier and the signified and treating NASCAR-related objects as meriting display. So now they’ve escalated to more abstract pieces. And it’s working! This museum is beginning to rewire Gertie’s damaged psyche, but right now the only way she can process that is by mapping it onto visions of the destruction of her precious race cars. Excited to see if this leads to a breakthrough!

Beetle Bailey, 11/20/25

A thing I learned recently that I really enjoyed is that a lot of heterosexual ’80s metal guys thought that Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, whose stage costumes very much came out of the gay leather daddy subculture, looked cool and badass in a completely straight way and spent the better part of a decade emulating his look. Just thinking about that for no reason as this new recruit, outfitted by the culturally savvy Beetle Bailey team in the a classic “tough guy” outfit, looks positively delighted at the thought of Sarge’s forceful discipline!

Crankshaft, 11/20/25

“Also, it wasn’t really that hard to figure out. He only changed one letter!”

Post Content

Hi and Lois, 11/18/25

Sorry, Lois. The latest Gen Alpha trend is eldermaxxing. Kids are putting on their grandpa’s clothes, and they’re so young they don’t even remember the Macklemore song so they don’t think it’s cringe. They’re shoplifting Ben Gay from local pharmacies so they can get the smell right. They’re setting off airhorns near each other’s ears so they can get into the “Eh? What’s that, sonny?” vibe. It’s happening all over the country and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll beg for skibidi toilet or “6-7” or whatever when Chip starts demanding dinner at 4:45 p.m. so he can finish in time to doze off in front of the local news.

Archie, 11/18/25

Sure, yes, Jughead’s hat is dumb-looking, or at least extremely out of date, but here’s the thing, Reggie: he’s been wearing it, depending on how you think of the chronology, either since 1941 or the whole time you’ve been in high school together. Everyone has already arrived at an opinion about it, and probably has pretty much stopped thinking about it, years ago! What made you think this would be a successfully sick burn that would raise your clout amongst your peers?

Dennis the Menace, 11/18/25

Now, Reggie, this is a sick burn. This is genuinely the most menacing thing Dennis has said in years, in that it’s simultaneously very funny and also if he said it to me I would die inside. The face he’s making is also great! Kudos all around.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/18/25

I love that she distinguishes between “the god Baldr” and just plain Thor. I assume this means she’s referring not to Baldr’s brother, the storm god, but just some guy named Thor, maybe one of their neighbors. His face is enh but he’s extremely ripped.

Beetle Bailey, 11/18/25

Hey, now, Killer — Otto walks around on two legs and wears human clothes! He’s not stupid at all, and honestly I’m not 100% convinced that he’s a dog.

Post Content

Andy Capp, 11/6/25

I know increasing globalization means that cities around the world are becoming more and more similar to one another in their interlocked material and aesthetic conditions, but it is unsettling to learn that even in Andy Capp’s Hartlepool, hipsters are leading a wave of gentrification as they snap up apartments in formerly industrial waterfront areas. I guess I can console myself that a Hartlepool hipster is entirely unrecognizable to any normal person as such (buzz cut, minty green suit) and that the canal is still full of drunks in an unironic way, for now.

Beetle Bailey, 11/6/25

The essential tragedy of Cookie is that he really does enjoy his job, but is constantly crestfallen when the troops react to his offerings with disdain and disgust. Well, today you can see that they’ve finally broken him. Do they think he just churns out slop day after day? Well, he’ll give them slop. Why bother trying. Why bother caring. Eat your slop, piggies!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/6/25

Sorry, I absolutely refuse to believe that Gertie would spend the off-season reading the NASCAR rule book, a tome that she long ago memorized in every detail. No, she would kick back and enjoy working through the puzzles in the 1990 original Days of Thunder Movie Family Fun Book from Exxon. A steal on eBay at only $6.99! Grab one today for the Gertie in your life!