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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/4/25

Oh, man, Rex and June thought they were going to have an early night of it, but now it looks like they’ll be up late spinning an elaborate web of lies for their children. Will they be able to convince the boys that some sad slice of soggy coffee cake they bought at a gas station is in fact left over from Glenwood’s shindig of the year? It’s a tough call: on the one hand, the boys are pretty stupid, but on the other, they seem hyperfixated on cake, so they might figure it out.

Beetle Bailey, 10/4/25

Remember, folks, Beetle Bailey’s Sgt. Snorkel isn’t just a violent man with an eating problem; he also has a drinking problem! They don’t dwell on that so much these days but it’s still canon.

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Hagar the Horrible, 9/30/25

Hagar is the protagonist of this strip, so we usually see things from his perspective, and I have to admit I never really tried to figure out what his crew might think of him. Indeed, his warriors do most of the fighting and dying in their various raids, but Hagar (perhaps already relatively well-off, as minor gentry?) gets the lion’s share of the booty and uses it to take his wife and favorite lieutenant to white tablecloth restaurants while they settle for scraps. Anyway, the way the guy in the back answers Hagar’s question implies that he’s contemplating the choice between asking Hagar for more money and spending that money on fancy food, or skipping several steps and simply eating Hagar directly.

Beetle Bailey, 9/30/25

I guess the point of this strip is that the U.S. Army isn’t just an office job, but rather a calling, and even the least of our brave warfighters might find themselves deployed at a moment’s notice wherever necessary to protect America’s people and interests. Unfortunately, by taking a phone call from his mother, Beetle has violated every opsec rule and revealed the location of his unit to the enemy, and will be killed by a drone-launched missile in approximately seven to nine minutes.

Pluggers, 9/30/25

I’m genuinely digging this plugger’s facial expression here. It’s not “Ah, another way in which my body is failing as I slowly decline towards death,” as you might expect. No, it’s sharp and genuine alarm. “Tennis elbow? But … I don’t even play tennis. Who’s been playing tennis with my elbow?”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/30/25

Mother Goose and Grimm: this is clearly a single-panel joke. You are 100% allowed to do single-panel jokes! You do them all the time! It’s also a very bad joke, but if you kept the proper structure, it would at least take up less of our time and cognitive energy.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/26/25

Perverts turned on by crudely drawn cartoons everywhere were devastated this week when Beetle Bailey skipped its usual “Miss Buxley Wednesday” to do a strip about Sarge eating a pizza with a big pile of meatballs on it. But, good news: Miss Buxley is here on Friday! Bad news: it’s “casual Friday” which means she’s not wearing her sexy formal (?) little black dress. But good news: there’s some shoe stuff involving Private Blips! Bad news: the shoes are so crudely drawn that you can’t even tell what they’re supposed to look like, but you can tell that they’re definitely not very sexy. This whole week has been a real roller coaster ride for perverts, I tell you what.

Crankshaft, 9/26/25

More bad news for very specific and esoteric perverts who get off on Crankshaft’s malapropisms: today’s is no good! His dumb addled wordplay is supposed to be full of accidental polysemy, or should at least sound like it makes sense at first but upon examination doesn’t quite. This is just a wrong word that sounds like the right word! I refute this!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/25

Is that … the possum’s … rib cage? I’m with you, Snuffy; I don’t care for this either. I don’t care for it at all.