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Beetle Bailey, 4/4/25

That’s right, Zero! Article 17 of the Third Geneva Convention establishes that POWs are only required to give their name, rank, and service number to their captors; their identity so established is used for the administration of their rights under Article 71 to send and receive letters and cards, as supervised by the International Committee of the Red Cross. Your parents will be glad to know you’re alive and safe in … whatever country the men of Camp Swampy have been deployed to invade. It looks heavily forested, wherever it is. Good luck, fellas!

Gil Thorp, 4/4/25

Some say “Pops” was the heart and soul of Milford. Some say that he and “Pop” were the same person, while others say they were twin brothers, one of whom wore fancy clothes while the other wore workingman’s attire and a dumb hat. But everyone agreed that he sucked at coaching sports. He sucked so bad that Gil was credited with “turn[ing] the program around.” Gil! The coach we’ve been following for all these years, who frankly is not very good!

Hi and Lois, 4/4/25

I really love how exhausted Hi looks here. He’s reading that magazine right up until the final moment of unconsciousness, filling his mind with golf and nothing but golf. Golf will be the last thing he sees while he’s awake, so golf will be all he sees while he’s asleep! Golf, wonderful golf! Oh, also his wife is right there or whatever.

Family Circus, 4/4/25

“Let the kids watch PBS,” you said. “It’ll be educational and culturally enriching,” you said. “Definitely they won’t see a lady get stabbed to death by her jealous lover,” you said.

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Slylock Fox, 3/4/25

They called Count Weirdly mad at Oxford, of course, and the Medical Sciences Interdivisional Research Ethics Committee repeatedly sanctioned him. But he’s shown them now, or I guess he would have shown them, if they all hadn’t been violently killed in the great animal uprising that wiped out most of the human race. Oxford is run by owls or something these days, but he’d like to think that, if any of his old nemeses were still around, they would understand that in this horrifying new world there just isn’t the luxury to muse on medical ethics the way there used to be. And with so few humans left alive, could anyone really fault him for trying to build a new one, as a friend? It’s not like there’s any shortage of corpses to use as raw materials.

Pardon My Planet, 3/4/25

But … you’re the one buying the pie, cow! I really don’t want to think about why this scenario involves cows wearing shirts and shopping in human grocery stores, or why a cow might assume that products made from cow’s milk can render dishes “sanitary,” and thank goodness that I don’t have to, because I have this basic bit of storybuilding to get hung up on instead. If you think the pie is unsanitary, why are you buying it? You’re standing in the checkout line, there’s nobody else there, you clearly picked it out and are now buying it!

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/25

Beetle is … dead, right? He’s not there, they’re putting a memorial plaque above his bed, he’s clearly dead. RIP Beetle Bailey, 1950-2025, you will be missed, to a certain extent.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/2/25

Oh, hey, sorry I haven’t kept you up to date on the tale of Summer and Augie and the bad date that Summer ditched to hook up with Augie. The short version is that after making a real ass of himself at the bar where Summer met Augie and getting kicked out by the bouncer, bad-date-man showed up at Summer’s workplace at the Morgan clinic and made a real ass of himself and got kicked out by the building’s security guard. As is all too typical for me, that ostensibly “interesting” stuff did not move me to comment, but today’s strip? Where Augie’s going on and on about how much he likes regional artists and educational vacations to Kansas City? Well, you know that’s gonna hook me in. I’m extremely invested in finding out if “regional artists” become the new “roots country.” Meanwhile, bad-date-man has stalked Summer to the art museum, and I guess we’ll find out this week if he’s going to make a real ass of himself and be kicked out by a museum security guard or if he decides that these people are pretty boring, actually, and he has better stuff to do.

Beetle Bailey, 3/2/25

Without the top row of throwaway panels, this strip is absolutely nothing, a boring non-joke about how the General is obsessed with golf and his soldiers don’t respect him, for that reason and also a variety of other reasons. With the throwaway panels … there’s a whisper of something funny in there. Probably they could condense all the other panels down to one or two and then it might actually elicit a sensible chuckle. Keep plugging away at it, guys, you’re gonna write a good one of these eventually!

Dennis the Menace, 3/2/25

I gotta admit, I spent most of this strip thinking, “Wow, the whole neighborhood thinks Henry’s a dipshit, huh. Can’t blame them, really. Look at how he dresses!” But then I got to the last panel and it turns out that everyone was actually mad at [record scratch] Dennis, whose menacing behavior provides this strip with its very title??? Ashamed to confess that they got me with this one, folks. They got me!