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Crock, 2/19/16

“Hello, children! I’m the ghost of Charles Darwin! I’m here to explain one of the foundations of evolutionary theory, which is that animals better able to survive in their environment would experience greater reproductive success! In a relatively behaviorally advanced species such as camels, females ought to instinctively recognize the advantageous nature of a male’s large hump for water storage, and … wait, take your hands off me! What do you mean, this is a dumb joke about a how a camel can’t get laid? I … I’m a very important ghost, and I insist … I insist that you … my word!”

Crankshaft, 2/19/16

In this era of commonplace Throwback Thursdays, is there a person alive who would somehow be so panicked about people being privy to his cute baby photo that he would aggressively back his relatively new girlfriend up against the wall, demanding that she keep his secrets? The only way Max’s behavior makes any sense is if the picture in question depicted baby Max murdering someone, or if it was originally a dick pic and Crankshaft’s editors made them change it to something more innocuous at the last minute.

Beetle Bailey, 2/19/16

Sarge’s rapid cycling from crestfallen in panel one to manic joy in panel two is a heartbreaking depiction of disordered eating. Get help, Sarge!

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Crankshaft, 2/14/16

Here’s today’s Crankshaft! It’s about a mom who thinks her son accidentally sending her a message of romantic love intended for a woman she’s never heard of is “just as good” as him sending her a message of her own on purpose.

Momma, 2/14/16

Here’s today’s Momma! It’s about a son who seems to loathe his mother and yet can’t stay apart from her, delivering a her a bouquet of flowers and declaring her his “best girl” in the privacy of his own thoughts, before scooting off to a date with some woman whose name we’ll never hear again. Look, he’s literally quivering with mingled eroticism and terror in the second panel!

Beetle Bailey, 2/14/16

Here’s today’s Beetle Bailey! It’s about Plato using the power of his very persuasive mind to convince his friend to go to sleep under a blanket of numbing snow, until he slips away into unconsciousness and then death without feeling any pain! You might think this is a little grim, but at least it’s not a Valentine Day strip about a dude’s relationship wth his mom.

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Beetle Bailey, 2/5/16

I haven’t really tried, but I imagine that it’s nearly impossible to make a pancake that actually looks like anything other than a collection of circles, so I guess if we’re being realistic it’s impressive that Cookie has managed to create pancakes that look even vaguely like Sarge. However, considering that this is the fantasy world of the comics, where imagination and tiny printing sizes in newspapers are the only constraints, for this strip to work I think they should’ve looked … more obviously like Sarge? I think a lot of people are just going to read this as Cookie offering the soldiers slightly malformed pancakes, grinning broadly, and saying “Chew them good!”, which they might find off-putting. I find it off-putting and I know what the joke is supposed to be.

B.C., 2/5/16

Right, right, so, Thor is the brown-haired one! Pretty bittersweet that I’m finally learning to tell these characters apart as they’re killed off one by one.

Dennis the Menace, 2/5/16

“I don’t know if I want to engage in constant low-level violence on a lawless frontier that encroaches on the land of indigenous peoples, or serve as the right-hand man to a genocidal dictator!”

Gasoline Alley, 2/5/16

“My God, not the scrapbook! Pilot, shake loose the ranger and the boy, fly directly down into the inferno, and kill that bear as hard as you need to — the scrapbook must be rescued unharmed!”

Spider-Man, 2/5/16

ANOTHER VICTORY WON BY THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN