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Apartment 3-G, 9/19/12

Oh boy, Aunt Cathy’s back! You remember Aunt Cathy: she’s the aunt whose love Evan treasures so much, and who in return sometimes remembers that Evan exists. Anyway, she’s perfect for helping Evan with his new job, which involves recruiting and training suicide bombers.

Beetle Bailey, 9/19/12

Haha, remember in the ’90s, when General Halftrack was forced to endure sexual harassment training, because apparently you’re not allowed to tell ladies anymore that you have sexual access to them just because they work for you? Well, maybe some of the other members of his staff should have been included.

Archie, 9/19/12

“And I mean, I really want you to take it out. Bring this overflowing bag of putrefying filth to a nice restaurant, hold hands with it at the movies, go park somewhere secluded with it, maybe try to get second base. And take pictures! I want to see pictures!”

Family Circus, 9/19/12

“Mommy, PJ needs a hug but I have more love in my heart for these unfeeling plastic objects than I ever will for any human being!”

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Slylock Fox, 9/6/12

I’m always much more interested in the stories lurking in the Slylock Fox Six Differences games than I am in actually tracking down the six differences, and the story I want to hear is about the kid at lower left. Why is he so obviously sad? Is he the nervous one in his group of friends, anxious that their parents will find out they’ve snuck into a horror movie? Is he alone sensitive enough to see the true tragedy in the Frankenstein story — that the Monster needs love from the world but turns violent because it meets only fear and disgust? Does he already know that, thanks to his decision to buy an enormous drink, his need to urinate will become unbearable right around the time the movie reaches its climax?

Beetle Bailey, 9/6/12

Beetle Bailey is littered with characters that were added to “keep up with the times” in some long-ago decade, so it’s interesting to revisit them once in a while as a little time capsule of our nation’s past. I had always assumed that Rocky, who has a vague greaser vibe, was added in the ’50s because the kids loved James Dean and the rock and roll music. Today’s strip is a nice reminder that, while old-timey teens in leather jackets seem quaint today (who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?), at the time mainstream American was completely terrified of their mostly imagined propensity for brutal violence. I’m pretty sure the nunchucks are a modern addition to Rocky’s arsenal, though.

Archie, 9/6/12

Oh, man, globalization, amiright everybody? This tale of American failure is made all the more pointed by the fact that Archie’s dad looks like a balder version of Thomas Dewey. “Look, you all voted for that bastard Truman, don’t blame me for this sorry state of affairs.”

Spider-Man, 9/6/12

“I mean, I already foiled one of his schemes — why won’t he just surrender now? Man, this job would be a lot easier if all my enemies were as lazy as I am.”

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/2/12

Oh, Slylock, I just don’t get you! You’ve always shown that you have nearly unlimited powers to arrest and jail anybody you want based on even the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence. So now that you’ve caught the Wolf red-pawed, why are you going for this clever/wimpy put-salt-in-the-ice-cube-tray-so-the-water-won’t-freeze business? Perhaps he’s hoping that, by causing the Wolf’s plan to fail for reasons he won’t be able to comprehend, he’ll break the villain psychologically and leave him putty in the hands of law enforcement. Or maybe Slylock just doesn’t trust Max to do anything? That seems likely.

Beetle Bailey, 9/2/12

“Made the men eat frazzle fern” sounds like a nonsense placeholder phrase that was put into the dialogue with the intention of replacing it with something that was funny and made sense but then nobody did that because, it’s just Beetle Bailey, you know? And General Halftrack’s theatrical “Hmmmm”ing is drawn out about two panels too long. Still, though, Miss Buxley’s sad face in panel two as she muses on the web of emotional lies she’s been ordered into will haunt me for days.

Family Circus, 9/2/12

I love how sad Billy looks in the final panel as he imagines his inevitable transformation into a goody-goody adult. “God, way to be a suck-up chump, future me!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/2/12

WARNING: THREAT LEVEL ALPHA, JUNE MORGAN TO SPEND NEXT WEEK TRYING ON BIKINIS

(Happy Labor Day, everybody! I will probably have Monday’s post up sometime Monday evening, or maybe Tuesday morning. See ya then!)