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Marmaduke, 5/25/11

Longstanding readers of this blog know my feelings about geese (and their elitist cousins, swans): they are vile, vicious creatures who would destroy us all if they could. And seeing as today’s strip proves that they’re more powerful than Marmaduke, and we already know that Marmaduke is more powerful than God, humanity pretty much has no chance.

Beetle Bailey, 5/25/11

Look, I don’t know how often we have to explain it: Sarge is not interested in women, sexually. But he does have outdated opinions about gender roles! The two facts aren’t mutually exclusive.

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Beetle Bailey, 5/24/11

I realize that making fun of Beetle Bailey for being lazy is in and of itself lazy at this point, but come on, would it have killed one of the no doubt half-dozen people who had a hand in the production of this panel to have created an even remotely plausible scenario in which Sarge would reach for a donut and then fall off a cliff? Maybe they could have, I don’t know, depicted the donut in some way? Suspended from a string just over the ledge as part of an elaborate trap set by Beetle? A hallucination of the poor food-addicted sergeant? Just in a box, lying on the ground? Help me out here.

Six Chix, 5/24/11/

I guess the joke is supposed to be on the prying old lady, but her sly smile in panel one indicates that she’s not even remotely scandalized by her neighbor’s response. “Well, in my day we liked to keep things within the confines of marriage, but the most important thing is that you’re experiencing erotic pleasure with your favorite man on a regular basis. You go with your bad self, young lady! It’s lucky that we have so much space between our houses, so we can be as vocal as we want in the throes of orgasm and not worry about bothering each other!” She’d probably be disappointed to learn that the younger woman is just using her coffee maker as some kind of makeshift sex toy.

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Panel from Hi and Lois, 5/15/11

Perhaps you have lived your life thinking that Hi Flagston is a well-adjusted suburban dad and not a completely unfulfilled emotional basket case whose veneer of sanity is always on the verge of shattering, revealing the madness beneath? Well, today’s throwaway panel will change your mind, my friend. Just as Hi’s hero Tony Montana wiped out a trio of enemies with his improvised weaponry, Hi apparently plans to literally mow down anyone who stands in his way — starting, tragically, with his own son.

Apartment 3-G, 5/15/11

Whoops, it looks like I was wrong about who was getting married in the current A3G wedding interlude, but, in my defense, I don’t care about Jack and Doris at all, so whatever. Still, I have to admit that Doris’s ad-libbed “FOREVER” in panel two sounds a lot like what she’d proclaim right before, say, dipping her beloved in a vat of liquid bronze so that he remains forever perfect and untouched by the hand of time, which might explain why Margo looks so put off in the final panel by the thought that what happened at the church today could happen to anyone.

Beetle Bailey, 5/15/11

So, what’s the most disturbing panel in today’s Beetle Bailey? It’s the pillow-humping, right? It’s not just me, is it?