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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Dumb little guys

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Beetle Bailey, 6/22/24

My wife and I are aficionados of real, non-microwave popcorn, and there are two ways to make this at home: you can do it in a metal pot on your stove, or you can use an electric air popper. What you can’t do is just leave a big metal pot on the end table next to your couch, not even plugged into the wall, and then doze off and expect popcorn to manifest itself there. Maybe this makes me a “comics curmudgeon” of some sort, but I think things in comic strips should more or less look like the real physical objects they’re supposed to represent. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Family Circus, 6/22/24

OK, sorry, I love it when Jeffy is dumb, but when Billy is? It’s not cute or charming at all. He’s the eldest and he should know better. You can tell Big Daddy Keane is thinking it too. Sure, the metric system is part of the UN one world government conspiracy to undermine American sovereignty, but that doesn’t excuse Billy from learning the absolute most basic and introductory fact about it, c’mon man.

Mary Worth, 6/22/24

Are you, Wilbur? Are you better? Are you better, really? Have you dealt with all your emotional stuff about your exes and your romantic failure and whatever it was that caused you to think it was a good idea to let your friends and family think for a week that you were dead? Or are you just experiencing the endorphin rush of getting some attention, just like the attention you hoped to get by showing up back home after letting everyone think for a week that you were dead? It’s the second one, right? You just like attention? You haven’t grappled with your many emotional and personality problems, at all?

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Guys, I don’t … I don’t really know much about sports

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Beetle Bailey, 6/17/24

OK, it’s probably just a clip art compositing error, but I actually think it’s very in character that Plato is abruptly swapped in for Killer between panels here. Plato is, as his name attests, a philosopher at heart, and is interested in a wide range of human experiences that can help him better understand his fellow humans and their diverse cultural practices. Killer, on the other hand, has a reputation to maintain with the ladies, and smelling like a garbage can is simply not going to help with that at all.

Gil Thorp, 6/17/24

I don’t really follow competitive softball, so, uh, is a 0.751 batting average something someone would actually have, even in a terrific season? That seems less “terrific” and more “oh my GOD” and you’d have media following you around the country. On the other hand, even though a batting average of course represents a decimal number, usually a sportscaster would just say “seven fifty one” not “zero point seven fifty one,” so maybe Keri is getting a hit seven or eight times out of every 10,000 at-bats, which is honestly less impressive.

Rex Morgn, M.D, 6/17/24

Parker and Cory’s friend, three minutes earlier: “But why do people become bullies? ChatGPT, don’t fail me now!”

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Various foodstuffs

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Tina’s Groove, 6/13/24

Say, it’s been a while since we’ve checked in with the anxious depressive food service workers over at Tina’s Groove. What are they up to? Ah, well, seems like they’re taking rotting meat home, to eat? Ha ha, that’s, uh, that’s something … funny? I guess? She’s eating rotting meat?

Beetle Bailey, 6/13/24

There’s nothing rotten going on over at Beetle Bailey, that’s for sure! Just delicious pie. It’s hard to top a fresh-baked pie, except when it’s a la mode! In that case, you have to top it, with ice cream, because that’s how it works. Anyway, today’s Beetle Bailey, which features these two guys about to dig into some delicious pie, has been brought to you by an arts grant from the American Pie Council®: For The Love Of Pie!

Mary Worth, 6/13/24

I love that Wilbur has not only announced that he’ll be coming by Mary’s apartment, but has also described how he’ll be alerting her to his presence. Only open the door if you ring the doorbell, Mary! If you hear a knock, just aim your gun at the door at your best approximation of center mass and start firing.