Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Herb and Jamaal, 3/26/08

That Jamaal! He’s got a “head” that a gal could “rub” all day! If you know what I mean! And I think you do!

Ha ha, just kidding. I’m sure this isn’t meant to be some kind of double entendre; the lady in question is obviously just talking about the head that sits on his shoulders.

Which looks like giant penis, of course.

Man, I wish this cat-calling had been phrased in more typical Herb and Jamaal-style ludicrously nonspecific terms. “Hello, attractive individual! I’d sure like to make pleasurable contact with a portion of your anatomy!”

Beetle Bailey, 3/26/08

The cruel gaslighting of the unlovable and unloved Lt. Fuzz is par for the course in Beetle Bailey; but today I’m just sad that the almost-as-dorky Spc. Chip Gizmo has gotten roped into it. Presumably he’s sick of being a nerdy social pariah and is trying to win points the only way he can: by turning on someone even further down the social ladder than he is. Oh, Chip, they just want your technical skills — they aren’t really your friends! You won’t be getting any offers to hang out or anything, until they need someone to get all the porn viruses off their computers.

Wizard of Id, 3/26/08

I was going to go into a diatribe today about this one, ranting that I haven’t seen an actual child delivering newspapers in more than a decade, and that all subscription billing these days is entirely computerized, with bills arriving in the mail or the charges just being automatically put onto your credit card, but then I remembered that the Wizard of Id takes place in the Middle Ages. So, um: Ha ha! The King of Id likes to torture children in his dungeon!

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Beetle Bailey, 3/8/08

Heh, heh, old people have trouble remembering stuff. Oh, and the Halftracks’ marriage has degenerated into petty sniping on one another’s infirmities. Give tonight’s round to the General.

Get Fuzzy, 3/8/08

Satchel’s and Bucky’s relationship has always been a war of attrition. But Satchel, like Aesop’s tortoise or Archilocus’s hedgehog, knows how to pace himself.

B.C., 3/8/08

Hey, what’s this? At no time in recent memory have we seen B.C. combine a road trip, topical humor, and new (albeit throwaway) characters. Yeah, the joke is Family Circus-level wordplay, but you go, new guy!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 2/16/08

Rainy day fun activity: Stage a reading of this Apartment 3-G, doing all of Alan’s lines in a comical, overblown cartoon drunk voice. Endless amusement for the whole family!

Beetle Bailey, 2/16/08

A touching and amusing domestic scene at home with the Snorkel-Baileys!

Marmaduke, 2/16/08

Marmaduke has ruled his neighborhood like an angry and vengeful god for so long that the neighbors pass the time between maulings by coming up with philosophical questions about his near-omnipotence.

Pluggers, 2/16/07

Pluggers are so wholly sedentary that if they quietly died, it would take hours for anyone to notice.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/16/08

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH