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Beetle Bailey, 10/4/21

I’m reasonably sure that if a soldier were running away from his commanding officer, who intended to brutally beat him, and was live-streaming the whole thing, that is the sort of thing that would go viral! Probably, uh, not in a fun way, though.

Mary Worth, 10/4/21

Wow, looks like Wilbur’s going to upgrade, lady-wise! When confronted with an ill-behaving pet, his ex was all like “Let’s talk about everybody’s feelings,” blah blah blah. But Carol offers sensible and concrete solutions, like “maybe don’t leave things out where your dog can chew on them” or “what do you mean you didn’t buy a chew toy for your dog, you utter dolt.” I think they’re gonna get along just fine!

Pluggers, 10/4/21

Everything else, though? Goes right into the landfill, even if it’s recyclable. Sometimes it doesn’t even make it into the trashcan. A lot of times pluggers just throw stuff out the window of their moving car!

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Beetle Bailey, 9/29/21

BEETLE BAILEYS WHERE SARGE ASSAULTS BEETLE AND POUNDS HIM INTO A PILE OF GOO: Goofy, fun, cartoonish, the whole family can enjoy them

BEETLE BAILEYS WHERE SARGE ASSAULTS BEETLE, RESULTING IN A VERY SPECIFIC AND REALISTIC INJURY: Really quite disturbing, honestly

Judge Parker, 9/29/21

Big news: Ronnie and Neddy’s TV show, based on Neddy’s adventures with Godiva and April, is finally coming to Netflix! Sadly, the production’s hair department did not get the memo on the only way you can tell Godiva and April apart (April has a ponytail, Godiva doesn’t).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/29/21

“Wait she … doesn’t want to endlessly bask in glow of success that came very easily to her? My God, where did we go wrong as parents? What kind of Morgan is she?”

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Shoe, 9/28/21

The obvious version of this joke would have the Professor deliver his first line looking at his desk at work, or maybe in his home office. But nope, instead he’s saying it while looking at his living room chair, and I assume that the “lots” he has to do involves catching up on various prestige television shows and finishing off yesterday’s pizza and snacks, which he’s blowing off to read about golf instead. A true legend of sloth!

Blondie, 9/28/21

I’ve never really gotten a handle on how old Elmo is supposed to be, exactly, but I refuse to acknowledge a scenario where he’s capable of drawing Mr. Dithers’s and Dagwood’s faces (side note: there is no reason for Elmo to have ever met or even seen a picture of Mr. Dithers) with such precision, and yet be unable to properly write the letter E. I have to assume that he’s chosen a whimsical “childish” signature as part of his artistic #brand, which may explain why he’s placed (in-universe) photorealistic drawings on stick-figure bodies.

Beetle Bailey, 9/28/21

You’ve got to admit that “killed stateside by friendly fire” was always the most probably way for Beetle Bailey to die, just edging out “organ failure from repeated beatings from Sarge” and “slept too hard.”