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Archive: Blondie

127

The whole Forest Kingdom agribusiness system is VERY suspect

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Hi and Lois, 4/19/26

I get that “cartoon dad must escape from his nagging family” is a time-honored trope, but I think the specific gripes of the Flagston clan are just way too dark for the way he nopes out of there to be comical. Lois is at the end of her rope, spending all day showing beautiful homes to her clients and then coming home to a collapsing hovel; Chip has suffered some otherwise undocumented heartbreak and is still devastated; the twins, who should be each other’s best friends within the family, have become implacable nemeses; and Trixie, like all addicts, can no longer get satisfaction from the sun as it is and demands a hotter and brighter star no matter what destructive effects that might have on our planet’s ecosystem. Based on Hi’s huge grin and rosy cheeks in the final panel, I assume that he’s “getting what he needs” thanks in part to a bottle of bourbon he keeps stashed in the glove compartment.

Blondie, 4/19/26

Look, I’m not a pickleball guy, but … the whole point of pickleball is that it’s basically ping pong scaled up to be played on a tennis court, right? Like … why aren’t the DithersCo layabouts just playing ping pong. They already have a ping pong table in the breakroom, I guarantee they have the paddles and balls somewhere. And if Dithers allows the ping pong table in the breakroom, why is he so mad about people using it? I enjoy the little illustration he made, which may be part of a whole wider collection of plausibly deniable Dagwood furry art, but I still think he’s in the wrong here.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/19/26

You know the whole thing in vampire lore where if you throw rice in front of a vampire, they have to stop chasing you to count the grains? Well, apparently this deli-owning dog thinks if you give Slylock a math word problem to solve, he’ll turn his ratiocination to figuring it out and won’t notice that you’ve enslaved and dismembered your fellow sapient animals to stock your shop. It didn’t work, though, and he’s going to jail, along with all of his customers.

Beetle Bailey, 4/19/26

Oh, Beetle, you’ve really done it this time! You remembered the Sabbath day, but you forgot to keep it holy! Can’t even imagine how much KP you’ll be doing for this, in hell.

128

The rich are different (very dumb but also insulated from consequences)

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Mary Worth, 4/17/26

Oh, I’m sorry, did you think there were stakes to this storyline? Did you think that losing two hundred thousand American dollars might have some material impact on Harvey’s life? Well, sorry, chumps, this motherfucker’s got ascot money and the whole episode is just kind of embarrassing for him to admit to his daughter, and probably more for horniness reasons than monetary ones. You know what, I’m not just glad “Trixie” escaped the compound; I’m actively glad the money went to a Southeast Asia-based crime lord, who’s at least showing some business acumen by building the compound in the first place.

Andy Capp, 4/17/26

Flo has never really had much character development over the past seven decades beyond “sick of Andy’s bullshit,” so I think today’s strip represents a small victory for feminism, even if the characterization offered is “really smug about not exercising.”

Hagar the Horrible, 4/17/26

“He knows what you Vikings did to Yorkshire and the Shetland Islands — and he wants revenge.”

Blondie, 4/17/26

Notice how Blondie doesn’t recommend Dagwood invest time and energie in their marriage? I mean, what’s the point, really? Anyway, she’s got her Sudokus, so whatever.

145

Maybe he’s there on a court order

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Dennis the Menace, 4/16/26

OK, since I complained about yesterday’s “exciting” tax panel from Pluggers, I have to praise this one. You know what’s exciting? When you’ve been up for three days straight trying to do your taxes and you’ve missed the deadline by several hours but you can’t stop because you’ll lose your momentum. “Please, let him rest!” begs Dennis. “He does so much for us!” It’s not very menacing of him but I’ll allow it.

Blondie, 4/16/26

I really like Dagwood’s facial expression in the second panel. It’s like he’s thinking “Oh, am I being cruised? Is this the cruising section of the park? Not really my thing but I guess you should try everything once.” By the time we get to panel three he’s disappointed that he misread the situation.

Heathcliff, 4/16/26

“Heathcliff sees a therapist” is an occasional bit in this strip, and I don’t care for it because I really don’t think it’s a match for his character. Heathcliff may have any number of real psychological issues, but I think he’s pretty happy with himself and lacks the desire to change that usually drives people to therapy. Anyway, despite what the therapist says, I appreciate the fact that today makes it clear he doesn’t take the process very seriously.

Crankshaft, 4/16/26

OH WE’RE ALLOWED TO START THINKING ABOUT A SCENARIO WHERE CRANKSHAFT SUFFERS A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK NOW? LIKE, CANONICALLY, IN THE WORLD OF THE STRIP, THAT’S SOMETHING THAT’S ON THE TABLE? GOOD TO KNOW, GOOD TO KNOW