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Blondie, 11/2/22

I had a whole riff ready to go here about how I’m not a prude and it’s not like I think legacy comics characters shouldn’t feel and express sexual desire but I’m not a huge fan of Alexander Bumstead, a freakish-looking teen carbon copy of his father, being “hot for teacher,” but then my brain short circuited when I noticed his sister was wearing Crocs. Crocs! Recognizable footwear worn by real, normal people, in a world where these kids’ dad wears a tuxedo with a single dinner-plate sized shirt button to his utterly generic office job. It’s madness, I tell you! Madness!

Dennis the Menace, 11/2/22

This could’ve been a joke about how Margaret is smart and snobby about being smart while Dennis is menacingly stupid if they hadn’t literally put a heart on her sleeve. As it is, it’s just panel about two kids who don’t really understand metaphors, which, I hate to say it, isn’t particularly funny or interesting.

Family Circus, 11/2/22

Ha ha, look at how genuinely upset Billy looks! This kid has definitely done some crimes and is panicking that the so-called “constitutional protections” he learned about in his liberal public school do not apply in the Keane Kompound.

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Six Chix, 10/24/22

Ha ha, it’s a blood bank, get it? Get it? Anyway, what I find intriguing about this is that there doesn’t seem to be any way to insert a card into this blood ATM machine, which implies that some sort of socialistic vampire central committee is just handing out blood to vampires according to their needs; the vampires, in turn, must only take what they need, because otherwise it would rapidly run out, which speaks to a level of self-restraint that I don’t think is very well explored in the vampire mythos.

Hi and Lois, 10/24/22

I was about to make fun of this product placement by saying “You know what they should be selling is a Thirsty Thurston pint glass,” but it turns out that they are absolutely selling Thirsty Thurston pint glasses, so, you know what, well played, King Features.

Dennis the Menace, 10/24/22

Dennis is learning that if he just acts obnoxiously enough, he’ll drive away anyone who cares about him! Self-menace levels: high.

Blondie, 10/24/22

Interesting that Dagwood has a big glass of red wine as part of his “not different from any other day” work lunch. I guess this puts quite an interesting spin on the constant desk naps.

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Crankshaft, 10/2/22

Huh, I’m a little surprised by “the Crankshafts” in that final panel. I guess I actually don’t know off the top of my head what Pam and Jeff’s last name is, so it’s possible that she not only kept her maiden name but that Jeff changed his name to hers as well, but I find it unlikely for a bunch of reasons. First off, while they’re not overt anti-feminists or anything, it’s had to see either of them doing anything that runs contrary to general societal practice to make a point. But more importantly, it’s simply an awful name, and frankly they’d be inheriting it from a simply awful person, so I don’t buy it.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/2/22

Real grim first couple of panels here, where we learn that Hagar’s horse is intelligent enough to practice deceit and to understand both his own mortality and his precarious place in the world. Makes it all the grimmer when you get to the final panel and realize Hagar’s probably going to eat him by the end of the night.

Blondie, 10/2/22

Oh no! Dagwood fell off a ladder and had a massive head injury and died. RIP Dagwood Bumstead, 1930-2022. You taught me that it was OK to be weird.