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Blondie, 9/29/20

We are all, of course, concerned about the amount of time that Elmo, a child, spends with Dagwood Bumstead, an adult with whom he does not live and is not related. Today it looks like Blondie and Dagwood have come up with a sensible solution to the problem: if Elmo wants to talk with them about, say, getting unwanted attention from someone at school, a subject best handled by his parents and his teachers, they will interact with him out on their front sidewalk, respond only with nonspecific noises, and under no circumstances allow him into the house.

Mary Worth, 9/29/20

“Like, just imagine if my husband and I loved each other! Pretty crazy world that would be, huh?”

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Mary Worth, 9/24/20

Well, Tommy’s given his life over the Christ and he doesn’t do crimes anymore — no more meth dealing, and not even any more pharmacy fraud. But is dining and dashing really a sin? In Matthew 12, Jesus endorses taking grain from other people’s fields if you’re hungry, even if it’s the sabbath! Hope you can run fast, Brandy.

Blondie, 9/24/20

“Oh, by the way, honey, you’re on speaker, even though I’m talking into the handset. Almost like our universe is built out of a limited set of clip art that can’t be added to or modified even for a visual that’s central to the gag we’re trying to do. Anyway, please cook something nice for my asshole boss.”

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Beetle Bailey, 9/6/20

In America during the years after World War II, pretty much everyone was or knew someone who had served in the armed forces. So there were lots of military-themed movies, and comic books like Sergeant Rock, G.I. Joe, Blackhawks, and Army at War. TV “service comedies” included The Phil Silvers Show (Sergeant Bilko), McHale’s Navy, Hogan’s Heroes, Gomer Pyle USMC, F Troop, and Mister Roberts, and I’ve probably missed a bunch. Comic strips included Terry and the Pirates and its successor Steve Canyon, The Sad Sack, the original R-rated Stars and Stripes version of Sally Forth by the incomparable Wallace Wood (Google it yourself; this is a family site, sort of), and, of course, Beetle Bailey.

Given the 75 years since VJ Day, lower military enlistment rates, and decline of newspapers in general, I was pretty astonished to see that Beetle Bailey appears in 1,600 newspapers and apparently has a big international presence. Especially since it’s basically The Lockhorns in uniform? Anyway, congratulations Walkers, and here’s to 70 more — we’ll still be here for you; count on it!

Blondie, 9/6/20

I used to get really steamed about Miz Melba in Gasoline Alley and the endless schtick with her blouse falling off her shoulders, but somehow this here doesn’t bother me a bit. Funny.

Hi and Lois, 9/6/20

In another of Mort Walker’s creations, we learn that Thirsty Thurston isn’t just a lazy sot — he’s a lazy Communist sot.

Judge Parker, 9/6/20 (panels)

Remember that incoherent screaming I promised you? Well here it is. Bask in it!

Sally Forth, 9/6/20

It’s like a spinner for the world’s saddest board game.

Will I stop jonesing on Judge Parker now? Tune in tomorrow and see!

— Uncle Lumpy