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Slylock Fox, 3/19/07

Another day, another insanely dementedly wonderful Slylock Fox. While it’s usually the visuals that wow me in this strip, I have to admit that what I most love here is the phrase “transfer the brilliant mind of Slylock Fox to the soft innards of a ripe eggplant.” Not that the visuals aren’t awesome, of course: you’ve got Slylock’s usual sang-froid cracking just a little as he contemplates the purple prison that will soon entrap his very soul; you’ve got Max Mouse hiding out in what appears to be a mouse-sized coffin; you’ve got the slavering vulture, no doubt giddy in anticipation of feasting on Slylock’s empty husk; and, most poignantly, you’ve got the earlier results of the same fiendish procedure, languishing in a jar and, in what seems to me to be an insult added to injury, submerged in water.

Shoe, 3/19/07

Another sad example of the problems with working backwards from the punchline. Clearly this “joke” was thought up in advance, and the “healthcare plan” was shoehorned in later as a generic phrase that stands in for “Senator stuff.” Because honestly, while healthcare policy can cause a great deal of heated political debate, the only way his healthcare plan would actually cause havoc and pandemonium would be if it could boiled down to “free amphetamines for everybody.”

Marmaduke, 3/19/07

Ha ha! Marmaduke ate something that wasn’t edible, and now can’t pass it through his digestive tract! He’s ill and might die! Ha ha!

Normally I hate cartoons that depict animals in pain, but I might be willing to make an exception for Marmaduke.

Crankshaft, 3/19/07

Is it wrong of me want something terrible to happen to this child, whom Crankshaft is apparently throwing off of his bus onto the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? Perhaps if he gets kidnapped, just for a little while, before being found (unharmed, of course) in the trailer of some drifter on the outskirts of town, then Crankshaft will finally be seen as the monster that he is, with the ensuing media circus forcing him to leave town along with his resentful family.

Normally you get bumped off of an airplane because it’s full. By kicking this kid off of what appears to be an empty bus, Crankshaft earns extra asshole points. Not that he needs them.

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Crankshaft, 3/14/07

All these PTA moms are looking a little too dementedly excited about Crankshaft suddenly not being a moving target. Presumably they’ll all gather at the winner’s house, and when Crankshaft’s bus stops, they’ll get on board and tear him to pieces with their bare hands.

Pluggers, 3/14/07

Well, know we know why pluggers prefer fast food restaurants: The lack of personalized service there fits in nicely with their crippling shyness.

Spider-Man, 3/14/07

There are two or three different Spider-Man plots going on at the moment, but today Spidey takes a break to demonstrate that he is both less agile and less powerful than a brick. Nobody is surprised.

Wait … wait … is Spider-Man going to have amnesia? And believe that the woman on TV claiming to be his wife really is his wife? OMG MOST AWESOMELY STUPID SPIDER-MAN PLOT EVER! Better than Gown-Man even! BRING IT, SPIDEY!

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Beetle Bailey, 3/10/07

I think the Beetle Bailey installments that put the Halftracks’ soul-crushing sham of a marriage under a microscope are quickly becoming my least favorites (and yes, I’m as surprised as anyone to find that my hitherto blanket distaste towards this strip has become granular enough for me to start having “least favorites”). Anyway, this strip gets extra non-bonus points for contrasting the General’s for once seemingly genuine concern about his wife’s health with Mrs. Halftrack’s bitter “punchline” about her husband’s very serious drinking problem.

She’s one to talk, though, as she’s already holding his bottle of discount hooch before he even gives her the opening for her cutting remark. Presumably she needs to get liquored up before she can emotionally handle having “relations” with her incompetent husband, who openly holds her in contempt.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/07

OK, Abbey bringing down Elvis was funny, but Abbey holding the police at bay is ludicrous, and, more importantly, June’s smugness about it is just disturbing. Niki’s straight off the streets, so you know he likes to see the po-po humbled, but June ought to be putting up at least a pretense of respecting the authority of law enforcement. Rex looks fairly dubious in panel one, but as usual has decided that not doing or saying anything is the best way out of any situation.

(Many commentors have suggested that this “police officer” is a phony, part of some larger double game being played by Elvis, Eight-Ball, and their meth-dealing associates. I suppose it’s possible, but I’m not sure if Rex Morgan really has that advanced a twist built in to it, and wouldn’t a hardened criminal be even less afraid of a French Brittany than a cop?)

Crankshaft, 3/10/07

I hate revisiting this “alpha mom” storyline as much as you do, but I do think it’s worth noting that the Crankshaft’s school district uses the Alamo as its bus depot. And has painted it pink.