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Crankshaft, 3/18/21

Oh, it turns out that this strip was setting up a Christopher Nolan-style chronologically disjointed narrative in this week’s Crankshaft, where each strip pushes back further into the past to peel open another layer of the story. How do I feel about this bold storytelling experiment, you may ask? Well, it’s ending (beginning?) with Crankshaft in significant physical pain, so I’m feeling pretty good about it, actually.

Mark Trail, 3/18/21

The finally-wrapped-up initial New Model Mark Trail storyline established that there are multiple generations of Mark Trials (Marks Trail?), which I guess raises the question of which of the strip’s adventures had which generation Trail as the protagonist? Well, it turns out the rerun we got right before the reboot, where Mark refused to attend an industry awards ceremony to tend to his sick dog but ended up winning anyway, was totally this guy. Maybe if he had shown up in person he would’ve gotten the real award, crafted from the finest pewter crystal, rather than the cheap lightweight glass version they sent him to save on shipping costs.

Dennis the Menace, 3/18/21

The true menace here is that, no doubt by some combination of threats and endless whining, Dennis has convinced his parents to serve bloody, raw hamburger for dinner tonight. What’s the matter, Henry and Alice? Not hungry? You’ve barely touched your plates!

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Slylock Fox, 3/15/21

I’ll save you the trouble of flipping your monitor upside-down and reveal the answer to today’s mystery: Slylock checked Weirdly’s pulse, revealing that his heart was beating at a normal rate and he couldn’t possibly have just finished up some vigorous jogging — and, of course, under Forest Law, invalidating an alibi is the same thing as proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. But the real tragedy here isn’t the usual miscarriage of justice, and it isn’t some lightly singed fur. It’s that Count Weirdly no longer gets a thrill out of his sinister laser-based pranks, or even from doing a quick change into absurd-looking “jogging” gear into to avoid punishment. His usual antics leave him feeling nothing, just dead inside. Maybe he does need some time alone in jail — not as punishment for his mostly harmless “crimes,” but for some self-reflection about what might really get his heart pumping again.

Blondie, 3/15/21

Speaking of people for whom the thrill is gone, I’m not going to say that dressing up in Roman garb and shouting “I am Julius Caesar!” on March 15 is the most obvious way to tell the world that you’re sick of living and want someone else to end it all for you, but it’s got to be reasonably high on the list.

Dustin, 3/15/21

Oh, man, if you’ve grown tired of the endless Boomer vs. Millennial (or, fine, Gen X vs. Zoomer) warfare in Dustin, how about we spice things up by adding Dustin’s dad’s (let’s say) Silent Generation-era dad to the mix! The important question for figuring out the dynamic: Is he an asshole too? All signs point to yes!

Crankshaft, 3/15/21

I sincerely hope that several hours have passed between the second and third panel here. Maybe even a whole day!

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Crankshaft, 3/14/21

I’m not sure who over at Funkyco decided that Sunday strips are now going to be dedicated to the gang ruminating on their own incipient dementia, or what that says about their opinion of Sunday comics readers. I myself would describe this strategy as “insultingly on the nose.”

Panel from The Lockhorns, 3/14/21

The best thing about this panel is that the musician is sitting less than a foot away from Leroy and can absolutely hear everything he’s saying.

Beetle Bailey, 3/14/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because Sarge knows that people like Beetle and don’t like him, and it’s tearing him up inside!