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Funky Winkerbean, 10/1/19

Welp, it’s looking more and more like Bull really did do a suicide by cliff, or maybe he just has dementia and it was an accident, and we’ll never know one way or another! There are a couple things we know for certain, though: he certainly died in agony trapped in the twisted metal of his car, and Linda really should’ve hidden those keys better, if she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life obsessing over this. Funky Winkerbean, everybody!

Six Chix, 10/1/19

There’s a lot I don’t understand about today’s Six Chix. Like, I’m not a tea guy, but I’ve drunk enough to know that it’s perfectly possible to do so without experiencing happiness, especially if you’re a board-certified grouch. Meanwhile, the lady in this strip seems to be way into this dude’s negativity, like it’s their weird version of S&M. “Yes, Harold, deny yourself pleasure, wallow in crankiness, my goodness.” Also, is having a tiny little plate for a single fried egg really a thing? Those are the high points, those are three things I don’t really understand about today’s Six Chix, but I think it’s a good jumping off place for discussion.

Crankshaft, 10/1/19

Man, if you had asked me what awful conspiracy theory bullshit Crankshaft would’ve gotten into, I definitely would’ve guessed QAnon, but the anti-vaxx stuff tracks as well, honestly.

Blondie, 10/1/19

There are obviously any number of ways this strip indicates a near-total ignorance of how Uber, a ridesharing service that’s been around for close a decade, works in practice, but I think an underrated one is the guy saying “Here’s the Bumsteads’ estate, sir!” as he pulls up.

Zits, 10/1/19

ME: Ugh, I hate how in so much of pop culture, but especially comic strips, people who are parents of teens and little kids are matched up with Baby Boomer cultural signifiers like Woodstock and disco, even though that’s completely wrong here in the year 2019. This is one of my pet peeves! Please be more accurate, comics!

THE COMIC STRIP ZITS: Fine, we’ll do a strip about Walt, the dad in Zits, and we’ll have him discussing recognizable cultural touchstones from your youth, and also the joke will be that this demonstrates that he’s incredibly old, like literally a dinosaur.

ME: Noooooo … not like this. Not like this.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/27/19

What’s your favorite disturbing detail here? A lot of people are going to say it’s that the fake parents have no legs, but I’m going to go with the fact that the creator of this little diorama has repurposed the PA system in this room for nagging parental dialogue, so that it clearly isn’t coming from their eternally open but eternally silent painted-on mouths.

Crankshaft, 9/27/19

This week’s Crankshaft, presumably inspired by someone spending a lot of time at book fairs, has been giving us a gently parodic tour of the various silly types you might see at a book fair. Today’s specimen: an author who actually wants someone to buy his book and is actively taking steps to catch the interest of potential customers, what a whore

Mary Worth, 9/27/19

“At least you’re trying. On to a different topic: have you heard from your father, who’s never tried anything and gives up on things extremely easily?”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/27/19

“No hilarity ensued”: The Funky Winkerbean mission statement.

Judge Parker, 9/27/19

Oh, hey, remember how Abbey was going to turn her opulent estate into a bed and breakfast? Well, today’s the today when she thinks to herself, “Wait, I’m, like, super duper rich, why do I have a job in the service industry all of the sudden? Fuck this.”

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Gil Thorp, 9/3/19

Folks, I want you to cast your mind back to the year 2007, a much simpler and more innocent time, when we first saw Coach Thorp announcing the football team’s starters in front of what seemed to be a conflagration of some kind. This was the Milford bonfire, and it became an annual event. In 2008 the kids were throwing up devil horns in honor of the hellish inferno. 2009? Pumping fists. In 2010 the players started giving speeches, in 2011 the column of fire rose into the sky, and in 2012 Gil declared the bonfire was the only fire in the world, a symbol of the fire that burns inside each of us. In 2013 innocent cheerleaders were sacrificed to the flames, and in 2014 a dude named Jarrod, who would go on to lose the starting quarterback job, gave a wild-eyed speech as the fire burned. The guy who took Jarrod’s place led the Mudlarks to their first championship in years, and the next fall began with a fiery victory celebration.

And then … for four long years … nothing. The bonfire vanished from Mudlark lore without a trace, and it seemed like only I was keeping the flame alive, so to speak. I had given up hope on ever lay eyes on a Milford bonfire again, so you can imagine how happy I felt to see the smoke starting to rise from that woodpile in panel three. We’re seeing it just as it’s about to burst into flame! And sure, “Toast Oakwood” and “Fire It Up” are extremely cheesy signs, but you know what? None of these kids were even around in 2015. They’re having to reconstruct this tradition from whispered tales of times past. It’s gonna take them a year or two to get back in the groove.

Mary Worth, 9/3/19

Oh, Dawn. Oh, dumb, dumb, lovestruck, horny Dawn. There’s only one thing Hugo’s been telegraphing more obviously than the fact that he sees your romance as nothing more than a summer fling, and it’s that he thinks America is lame. It’s like you don’t want us to feel even a little sorry for you.

Crankshaft, 9/3/19

Ha ha! But seriously, folks, Crankshaft has never been in love. He’s simply not capable of it!