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Curtis, 9/9/20

It’s devastating when a relationship you thought was heartfelt turns out to be transactional, especially when it’s with your own child. Dennis the Menace could take master classes from this little fucker.

Gil Thorp, 9/9/20

Gil waves off an impending homicide. A man’s gotta commit to be this half-assed.

Heathcliff, 9/9/20

Heathcliff Moves On, part XLV. Cat’s gotta travel.

Luann, 9/9/20

The red crystal “attracts love,” for dumping in the fish tank. The blue one “emits peace,” for throwing at Luann.

I always feel better after my obligatory Luann post; it’s like walking out of the dentist’s office.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Arctic Circle, 9/7/20

Oscar brushes past “Right to Repair” and a common consumer gripe to set up a visual pun that … doesn’t quite work. First, Oscar has to hint at the joke: bad sign. Second, even with the hint, you might not know that’s an emperor penguin. And third, it’s hard to see the emperor penguin as naked when he’s wearing that sweet tux.

Curtis, 9/7/20

For a New York City straphanger whom we’ve never seen drive a car, Greg seems pretty damn excited about driverless cars! And Curtis is somehow Ted Forth?

Rex Morgan, M.D. 9/7/20

I was going to make a crude joke about Hank Jr. going at his Hulk Hogan doll with a vibrator when I thought, “Hey, are character model kits really a thing?” That set me off on a magical Internet adventure to learn about Bandai Hobby, Moebius Models, and LEGO Star Wars, convincing me in the end that yes, it is totally plausible that Hank Jr. is going at his Hulk Hogan doll with a vibrator.

Sam and Silo, 9/7/20

Lots of websites monetize their communities by introducing dating services, so here goes:

ED CRANKSHAFT — MEET YOUR SOULMATE, ONLY $29.95 PLUS TAX!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Curtis, 9/5/20

Classic misdirection — the weed is under the mattress. And he probably smokes the banana peels, too.

Dennis the Menace, 9/5/20

Using his media platform to trash a hallowed American brand: pretty menacing! You can almost hear him growl, “You’re next, Sara Lee.”

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/5/20

In the sex-based economy of 9 Chickweed Lane, the unit of currency is the Boink. But after 12 years’ relentless overcopulation of the money supply, that currency has become utterly debased.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/20

And by, “the planet,” I mean, “whatever is in my field of vision right now.” [To self] “I wonder where people go when I turn my head.”

Judge Parker, 9/5/20

Still more useless word-gunk. If this Producer gig doesn’t work out, Ellen can get a job in Corporate HR anywhere in the World.

Phantom, 9/5/20

I am totally asking Aunt Lumpy’s stylist to give her some of that awesome sea-hair!

— Uncle Lumpy