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Mary Worth, 9/5/14

Remember that scene in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace when Qui-Gon sat Anakin down and told him about the intelligent midi-chlorian symbionts that live in everybody’s cells and were the physiological basis for the Force? And remember the strange heavy, cold feeling in your gut as the movie layered all that unnecessary pseudo-biological nonsense on top of something that had once seemed mysterious, magical, and fun? Well, that feeling was your enteric nervous system.

Curtis, 9/5/14

Just yesterday this was Alternate Dimension Curtis, and today he’s Conscience Curtis? OK whatevs nobody reads the comics anyway so why bother, right? But can we have Evil Twin Curtis tomorrow, please? I’ve got some plans for Barry.

Hägar the Horrible, 9/5/14

Slylock Fox author Bob Weber Jr. is doing gags for Hägar the Horrible these days, and you can tell: that carriage has Count Weirdly written all over it. Careful, Helga – it’s an overcomplicated, ineffective trap!

Josh is now officially an Angeleno, moved in, Internet-connected, unpacked Real Soon Now, and rarin’ to go. Look for his Comment of the Week selection, followed by regular posts starting Saturday. I sure hope the laid-back California lifestyle doesn’t creep into his commentary.

Thanks for reading, and for the great support during an extra-long fundraiser. See you next time!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 9/3/14

Captain of Industry Art Standish lays down the law to a public employee over whom he has no power, and who can inconvenience him mightily with no effort or risk of repercussions. I bet ol’ Art just cracks ’em up down at the DMV: “What’s that, sir? Oh, you pay my salary? Hey, Denise, we got a VIP with us this morning — this gentleman taxpayer here pays my salary! Well sir, why don’t you just stop paying those taxes — I bet that’ll fix me good won’t it?”

Curtis, 9/3/14

An alternate-dimension Curtis arrives to teach Our Curtis a Valuable Lesson, misuse the word “identical”, and start an argument about who is argumentative. Don’t worry, Our Curtis — evidence suggests that you are indeed the “smart” Curtis, although frankly this speaks poorly of dimensions everywhere.

Mary Worth, 9/3/14

Mary advises acting on only your most powerful delusions. Isn’t that pretty much how delusions work?

Judge Parker, 9/3/14

Speaking of delusions, this is Neddy’s business plan! Hey kid, your landlord doesn’t need to see it unless you want to use the space rent-free, in which case you are looking for money.

And isn’t Bebe already a thing that exists?

Josh and Amber rolled into Los Angeles on Tuesday evening, to stay with family overnight and start moving into their new home today. I’m on the clock for a little while longer to give Josh time to find his computer, connect to the Internet, and catch up on all the action in Apartment 3-G.

And so ends the Westward Bound! Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser. Every contributor will be receiving a personal thank-you from Josh, but I’d like to add my own: thanks, you guys are the best!

— Uncle Lumpy

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It’s true! Take a look:

Crankshaft, 7/25/14

Ed Crankshaft: democracy’s downside.

Curtis, 7/25/14

Curtis wishes he could mass-murder these helpless animals, by neglecting them.

Phantom, 7/25/14

Likkered up on palm wine, the Phantom prepares to give Chatu a savage, untraceable beat-down.

Edge City, 7/25/14

Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin and husband Len are only ever one minor inconvenience away from tearing each other apart — beneath the merest tissue of propriety and shame, they are the Lockhorns. Let’s watch as their terror of Nature’s implacable power drives them to consume one another in acts of savagery. Hey, maybe we could pop some corn and make an evening of it!

Six Chix, 7/25/14

It’s funny because … Oh what am I even saying it’s not funny at all.

Once again, no Comments of the Week on my watch. However, Novelist Joshua Fruhlinger will be back with a big steamin’ batch of them plus lots more comics fun on Monday.

— Uncle Lumpy