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The Comics Curmudgeon 2008 Fall Fundraiser



Well, Josh’s plan to hit the jackpot at Jeopardy didn’t quite pan out as planned. And those Lehman Brothers and AIG investments have been underperforming, too. So here’s another Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser — a twice-a-year event to help Josh maintain the naive delusion that he can actually make a living doing this.

Site stats show that most CC readers cruise by for a quick chuckle during the workday, while a determined few dig deep in the comments, wrangling out issues from Foob revisionism and Mary Worth‘s fashion sense to Middle English grammar. Either way, the Comics Curmudgeon delivers the comics we grew up with — in some cases, the comics Moses grew up with — in a way that works for this century. Isn’t that worth a couple bucks? I thought so!

Click the panel up top to visit the special fundraiser page and help keep the Comics Curmudgeon strong and independent. Thank you!

— Uncle Lumpy

Curtis, 9/30/08

OK, the “evil coach” is an oldie, but credit Curtis for thinking it through — sure, the Eastern-European stereotype is overdone, but the hairy tongue (!) and Santa suit give it a fresh look. But really, “dandelions”? “Dandelions”?

Six Chix, 9/30/08

Margaret Shulock — one-sixth of the ‘Chix’ as well as the writer of Apartment 3G — serves up a double dose of death this week. But this Death be not proud — he’s just a gangly, socially awkward, self-conscious fella who needs fashion advice, and probably a hug. I bet he’s the one who claimed Alan’s soul. And I bet Alan was kinda pleased by that.

The Phantom, 9/30/08

Ah, now here’s a villian of the old school! We last saw Wambesi terrorist and Phantom-nemesis Chatu (a.k.a. “The Python”) in August 2006, leaving a crippled helicopter for ol’ Stripey to ride to firey death. Didn’t happen. Surviving now sans minions in greatly reduced circumstances, Chatu worked out a mad scheme to spread Ebola virus using fruit bats — but Ebolified himself in the process. The Ghost-who-Cares will track the virus to infected gym mats in somebody’s hut, as the villagers cry, ambiguously, “How are you going to kill it?”

Luann, 9/30/08

Remember how Tiffany used to be the schemer in this strip? Look how far our heroine has come. Without mussing a hair or even fully opening her eyes, Luann excises Tiff’s last shred of self-respect, then sends her spinning into the competitive cesspool of underage porn. Um, that’s a left leg, isn’t it?

Herb and Jamaal, 9/30/08

Not necessarily evil-related, but a milestone nonetheless: the comic strip Herb and Jamaal became self-aware at 1:09 Eastern time, September 30th, 2008. In a stunning irony, the strip was instantly sued by the copyright holders of the words “Crunchy” and “Powdered.”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/08

I’ve been having a pretty good day so far, and coming home to find out that Rex kicked off today’s installment of his namesake comic strip by saying “Speaking of cruising…” just made it that much better. Even though the plot being expositioned up seems to involve less sex with anonymous 18-year-olds in the park and more yacht-related high society hijinks, I’m still pretty excited about it. Rex’s shifty-eyed look in the final panel would seem to indicate that he’s Lenore Foster’s connection for banned performance-enhancing drugs before each year’s regatta; of course, this calls into question which drugs might enhance yachting performance. Gin?

Curtis, 8/13/08

Oh, look, Ms. Honeystump’s emblackenation has spread to his classmate Venus!

If I may talk seriously for a moment: some readers have speculated that these mysterious racial shifts have been designed to accommodate editorial grumbles about the merest hint of miscegenation. Truly, I think you’re giving the comics coloring world far too much credit, in terms of thinking that weird things actually happen for reasons. The online versions of the King Features strips are not colored by the artists, nor do the artists offer guidance for same. The colorists can only use the internal context of the strip to help them make their choices. When you realize that they often ignore explicit in-strip cues to product howlers like this and this, well, do you really expect some sort of multi-week trans-strip consistency?

For Better Or For Worse, 8/13/08

“I’ve known you both for a long time. I’ve seen you guys through a lot of crazy circumstances. You know, like when you were transparently lusting after her even though you were married and passive-aggressively browbeating your wife into having a child she didn’t want! And when you were still married and propositioned her right after she was nearly raped! And when she moved back to Millborough specifically because she heard you were getting divorced, but continued to string along her boyfriend! I gotta say … this feels like it’s gonna work. I say that because I’m a terrible, terrible person.”

Crankshaft, 8/13/08

Oh, that Crankshaft! Trying to warm up to his new housemate, he offered to “take [her] on [his] favorite ride!” By which he almost certainly means his penis! Ha ha, I have to go lie down and weep now because I thought of that.

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Mary Worth, 8/6/08

Most scientists agree that today’s Mary Worth — in which Toby completes an e-commerce transaction with a click of the F10 button, then contemplates checking her e-mail — contains the least amount of action that can possibly sustain two panels. However, based on observations from the past few installments of this strip, tomorrow’s Mary Worth will almost certainly contain even less of interest, causing the local time continuum to ground to a halt. Friday’s strip will then take place on Wednesday, as the timeflow begins to unspool in reverse. It’s unclear what the cosmic consequences for this violation of the rules of nature will be, but it can’t be good.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/6/08

The second and third panels of this strip contain a delightful study in contrasts. In panel two, June’s manic grin is wholly inappropriate for someone proposing to spend a painful week alone with her surly, disinterested husband; in panel three, Rex reacts to the suggestion with a stone-faced mask that barely conceals mounting panic, as if — oh, I don’t know, his wife had walked in on him having sex with another guy in the laundry room, to pick a random example out of thin air for no reason.

It’s worth noting that this blog’s murky opening days covered the tail end of a Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline that involved our medical couple going on a disastrous white-water rafting trip. I’m pretty sure that this was for fun (meeting my definition of a “vacation,” anyway) and Sarah was very much alive at that point, as Rex and June decided to fire their nanny during the drive home.

Curtis, 8/6/08

Good Lord! It’s so hot that Ms. Honeystump has been emblackened!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/6/08

dear God WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO PUT THAT TRANSMITTER