Post Content

Pluggers, 9/4/17

Pluggers has been around for nearly 25 years, and even taking “Plugger Classics” into account, that means thousands of Pluggers suggestions have been harvested over the years. So I understand that the reserves are probably getting low, what with the ever-increasing plugger mortality rate, but still: “You’re a plugger if your younger brother is phyiscally larger than you?” I genuinely hate to see the plugger brand diluted like this.

Dennis the Menace, 9/4/17

By raising Dennis in a snug white-collar bubble and never letting him encounter anyone required to work on a holiday, his parents are going to ensure that he becomes the worst menace imaginable.

Gil Thorp, 9/4/17

I admit it: I’ve never been a professional athlete. But I have gotten a master’s degree in history, and I want to assure Heather and Jaquan that it is not the nonstop thrill ride that everyone says it is. Chances of concussion: significantly lower than the NFL. Chances of your love of learning and your social life withering away as you spend all your time with passive-aggressive introverts who are all ultimately competing for the same vanishingly small pool of academic jobs: significantly higher.

Post Content

Blondie, 8/31/17

OK, let’s pass over the “joke” of this strip, which is … I’m actually not sure, but I think it’s that Dagwood gave himself permission to gorge at a fancy (?) French (??) restaurant because of this costumed tout’s sob story. Let’s linger for a moment over “That must be a fun gig! Getting paid to wear a duck suit!” Like, he’s a little too into it, you know, and it makes me wonder if he’s secretly [GOOGLES “FURRIES BUT FOR BIRDS”][IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT][NEVERTHELESS READS THE SECTION OF THE AVIAN ARTICLE ON WIKIFUR ABOUT VARIOUS TECHNIQUES FOR ANTHROPOMORPHIZING BIRD WINGS][BEGINS TO WONDER IF DAGWOOD’S BIZARRELY LONG THIGHS AND WEIRD BENT-KNEED GAIT ATTRACTS HIM TO DIGITGRADE SPECIES][HOW DEEP DOES THIS RABBIT HOLE GO][EXCEPT I GUESS IT’D BE A DUCK BLIND][OK LET’S JUST CALL THIS WHOLE THING OFF NOW]

Dennis the Menace, 8/31/17

Uhhh HEY Dennis the Menace, let’s have less of Dennis’s darndest-things-saying/fat-shaming and more of the backstory of why Mr. Wilson is still painfully hung over in what I assume is the middle of the afternoon???

Six Chix, 8/31/17

WHAT IS THAT DOOR ATTACHED TO

IN WHICH DIRECTION DOES IT “CLOSE”

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS GOING ON HERE

Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/24/17

When I was a little kid, I read Peanuts anthologies obsessively, which is a great way to learn about melancholy. Peanuts characters notoriously sigh audibly all the time, and like lots of children acquiring language competency, I quickly came to understand how sighs were supposed to be deployed, even if I didn’t get that the word “sigh” in these word balloons was supposed to signify the nonverbal sound we call a sigh and not the actual word “sigh.” The upshot is that I would say the word “sigh” as a kid when it was appropriate to sigh, and no adult told me not to do this for years, presumably because it was hilarious.

Anyway, this is a long way to say that I love Mary Worth’s tendency to put nonverbal signifiers, like “groan!” and “sheesh.” and, today, “sigh!”, in thought balloons. Can you really think a paralinguistic utterance like a sigh? Sure you can! Eight-year-old Josh was there to prove it!

Dennis the Menace, 8/24/17

Wait, so Henry and Alice’s entire wedding/honeymoon album is only six pages long? I can’t decide if this means that Dennis is right and Disneyland would’ve been an improvement on whatever they did, or if they spent their entire honeymoon and much of the wedding reception having vigorous marital relations, and the real menace is the fact that Dennis was simultaneously the product and the end of a pastime for which they once had great enthusiasm.