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Here’s something genuinely nice the comics are doing on Thanksgiving: auctioning off original comic strips to benefit those affected by this year’s brutal hurricane season. You know it’s legit because it’s being run by Heritage Auctions, who recently did a similar auction to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! Anyway, what artistic gems from today’s funny pages can you bid on?

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/17

Well, you can help those suffering from want by purchasing a strip reminding you that some people have such a surfeit of resources that they’re literally drowning each other in food out of spite.

Dennis the Menace, 11/23/17

Or you can remind them that, as bad as things get, they don’t live in a world of mingled ignorance and anxiety that has them convinced that they’re about to eat a beloved icon from their childhood!

Blondie, 11/23/17

If you really want to take their minds off their troubles, celebrate their perseverance with this image of Dagwood as a nightmarish three-headed sleep-Cerberus, in a surrealistic image that only draws further attention to his weird neck situation by tripling his number of necks.

Mary Worth, 11/23/17

You know what no amount of tax-deductible charitable donations can buy, though? This amazing work of art, apparently, in which Wilbur screams, silently, but with his mouth gaping open, at … something in Pedro’s oficina. What could it be? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro locked in a passionate embrace? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro monitoring the eBay auctions they’ve set up for the emerald ring Wilbur bought Fabiana and also Wilbur’s kidneys? Is it a huge motivational poster announcing that “WE’RE SALSA DANCERS, NOT MAYONNAISE DANCERS: NO SANDWICHES ALLOWED ON PREMISES”? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

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Dennis the Menace, 11/10/17

I had a lot of questions about what exactly we’re meant to understand about the the main six panels of this strip — did Dennis make Mr. Wilson sit through an entire movie, or, given the mention of Ewoks, the entire original trilogy? or is he just jumping around on his couch rambling on about his favorite media franchises? why does Dennis seem to think that Mr. Wilson, who would’ve been in his 30s when Episode IV came out, is somehow unfamiliar with what’s probably the most famous series of movies ever made? — but then I saw the second throwaway panel and it sent chills down my spine, illuminating the real reason why Dennis feels compelled to hang out at the Wilsons’ place all the time, and why Mr. Wilson, for all his showy irritation, never actually kicks him out. I look forward to the day when Dennis is old enough to learn about his true parentage, and Mr. Wilson implores him to join forces so they can rule their suburban neighborhood together, grumpily.

Spider-Man, 11/10/17

Ha ha, what you do you think that last e-mail was like? “Hey, Peter, this is a little awkward considering how we left things the last time we saw each other (I was a lizard and trying to kill you), but I just wanted to let you know I’ve always valued our friendship and also I definitely don’t turn into a lizard on the regular anymore. Anyway, I’ve got to go tend to my dying wife, but here’s my address in Miami — I’d love to see you any time you’re in town. Even if it’s several years from now, don’t bother calling in advance or anything. Just show up! I love unexpected visitors! Your pal, Doctor Connors (who is absolutely not a lizard right now and won’t be turning into one anytime soon)”

Gasoline Alley, 11/10/17

I genuinely appreciate the single bead of sweat rolling down Walt’s face in the final panel here, and he gets an inkling of the Kafkaesque hell that awaits him as he tries to track down this package. And I certainly hope we get to see every minute of it over the next two or three months! It can’t be any worse than the eight weeks they spent on scrapbooking!

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Mary Worth, 11/3/17

OK, I know I touched on this briefly before, but for real, I went back and checked, and there have been literally only two Mary Worth plots since the great Zak-Iris romance of late ’16/early ’17: “Dawn The Accidental Summer-Internship Adulterer” and “The Sexy, Dangerous Cruise,” and neither of them by their own internal logic could have taken more than a few weeks of in-strip time. That means that we’re expected to believe that Zak spent maybe a summer developing his game and then getting enough venture funding to build a company around it. This is theoretically possible, but it sure doesn’t speak well of his business acumen that he chose to give both his game and his company a name that sounds like “Zak? Ick!”

Dennis the Menace, 11/3/17

A little kid gushing about how pretty his mom is in vaguely Oedipal fashion? Kinda menacing. A little kid learning pick-up artist techniques from Reddit and “negging” his mom? MENACE LEVELS OFF THE CHARTS

Six Chix, 11/3/17

“He’s a gross young man and I spend as little time with him as possible!”