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Funky Winkerbean, 6/6/15

In a touching gesture, one of Les’s fellow reunion organizers took from him the burden of putting together the “Gone But Not Forgotten” display. Because if there’s one thing Les doesn’t like to do, it’s dwell on the memory of his dead wife! Oh, hey, why don’t we add the book Les wrote about his dead wife’s death to the display. Say, do you suppose anyone wrote a book about the death of poor dead Livinia Jessup? No? Oh well, guess she probably didn’t die as movingly! I mean, do we really even need her picture there at all?

Dennis the Menace, 6/6/15

Significantly more menacing things Dennis could’ve said:

• “You’re a grown man with a wife and a long, productive career behind you, and the possession you prize above all others is a poster that you clearly bought at a store somewhere and that has no actual historical connection to Daniel Boone?”
• “If this is your most prized possession, why do you have to keep it up here in the attic?”

Shoe, 6/6/15

“This body is a repulsive husk, a meat-prison that I dream every day of escaping. KILL ME AND SET ME FREE, I BEG OF YOU”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/28/15

Welp, after some negotiations with Nancy’s family and Kelly’s mob lawyer, we’ve figured out what Nancy’s punishment should be: Nancy is now in charge of making sure Kelly’s car isn’t damaged further. The bullying stops today! Unless she needs to use violence or the threat of violence to keep people from damaging Kelly’s car. Then she should bully as much as she needs to. The car is the important thing. She’s got to protect that car by any means necessary or everything that’s important to her gets taken away. I’m beginning to think that Kelly has found herself employed by the right organization.

Dennis the Menace, 5/28/15

You might think that by teaching himself to cook so he doesn’t have to bother his parents for treats, Dennis is being extremely non-menacing. But then, what’s more menacing to a parent than learning that his child doesn’t need him anymore? A+ power move, Dennis.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/18/15

Dennis usually gets to let loose the menacing bon mots in this feature, but today it’s Henry’s turn to engage in a little light cruelty. “Look at that dumb dog! Doesn’t even know what day it is. Garfield, now there’s a cartoon animal that knows how to read a calendar, by God.”

Mary Worth, 5/18/15

Terry Bryson has decided to hang out with her dangerously obsessed ex, engaging in risky activities like unsupervised balloon rides over jagged mountain peaks and, apparently, riding on roller coasters that have no seat belts or adequate restraint bars. “TAKE ME, DEATH,” she’s basically shouting in panel two, hoping to be torn from the seat by centrifugal force and hurled across the amusement park. I think we’re finally learning that Terry’s sorely missed the adrenaline-soaked thrill ride that police work provided on a daily basis. Teaching dim trophy wives how to avoid phishing scams simply won’t cut it for her any more.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/18/15

You know what’s a cool way to improve your social standing in school? Bring your smirking high-powered lawyer to a meeting at the principal’s office. It’s a power move that other kids respect!

Six Chix, 5/18/15

Why … why is the tooth fairy in the bed of a full-grown woman

DEAR GOD IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO