Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 3/7/11

Fart joke + slur on treasured American brand = Menace Level 4.7. Points off for the grin.

Mark Trail, 3/7/11

Mark realizes he will soon be shipwrecked with a boatload of arms smugglers! At that precise moment, a beloved animal friend appears as if to remind him that it’s turtles all the way down. That must have been some bump on the head.

Note to comic strip characters: whether you are a man or a woman, it is OK to be named Lonnie. Do not, however, stand next to anybody named Lonnie, whether on the street or at the altar.

Dick Tracy, 3/7/11

Ah, the deaths of Dick Tracy villains. Torched in a wind generator fire. Killed in a fall from the U.S. Capitol Rotunda. Brain wiped clean. Killed in a fall down a smokestack. Blown to bits. Crushed under a bulldozer. Dismembered by a pack of dogs. Immolated in a car fire. Pancaked by a falling antique warplane. And now, eaten alive by rats. Say it with me: Eaten. Alive. By. Rats.

Next Sunday, the Dick Tracy franchise will pass to a new creative team. So Mr. Brozman, thank you for the wonderful rats. And sincere congratulations on your retirement, Mr. Locher — for the five years this blog has followed you through thick and thin, you have never disappointed, not once.

Momma, 3/7/11

What passes for pride in the Mommaverse.

Luann, 3/7/11

Tiffany counts on her fingers how many minutes it will take her to “date” the rest of the football team.

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 3/2/11

No matter what your opinion of Dennis Mitchell’s ability to install fear via menacing, you have to admit that he’s generally speaking one of the comics’ less introspective characters. Thus, this little scene is actually kind of poignant. He’s too old to menace people Marvin-style by crapping in his drawers, and too young to slap on some Drakkar Noir and menace the ladies with his aggressive adolescent sexuality. So he just looks glumly at his half-eaten cookie. Is this all there is? Cookies? Man, this is no kind of life.

Mary Worth, 3/2/11

It’s come to my attention that some of you don’t know who Iris is. Iris is Wilbur’s girlfriend, so you may have “forgotten” about her in the sense that your brain, in a vain attempt to make the world make sense, refuses to store the words “Wilbur’s” and “girlfriend” next to each other. Anyway, it’s pretty rich that Iris is waxing about how she eventually learned she had to let li’l Tommy out of the nest, because, of course, this is the sort of decision Tommy made on his own:

The world famous Tommy the Tweaker storyline was the very first Mary Worth plot covered on this blog, and if you missed it it’s totally worth your while to start here and work your way forward. Long story short, I think we all know now that Dawn is building an illicit Twitter lab in her room, and we’re on a collision course with heartbreak and/or wackiness.

Wizard of Id, 3/2/11

Hey, remember yesterday, when the Wizard of Id made no sense but at least didn’t involve eating cockroaches? God, I long for that more innocent time.

Post Content

Crankshaft, 2/21/11

Last week’s big action in Crankshaft consisted of Rose, the ’Shaft’s son-in-law’s senile, unlikable mother, leaving the house out of spite after being told not to do so, and then falling on the ice, with no one around to help her. Apparently this week will be taken up entirely by Rose lying on the pavement, presumably terribly injured, cracking wise (or perhaps cracking senile dementia) as she slowly freezes to death. Crankshaft is, of course, the “light-hearted” Funkyverse strip, so grab your popcorn and get ready for a laugh riot of gradually numbing extremities.

Apartment 3-G, 2/21/11

Every day, Lu Ann is discovering another one of the joys of dating the extremely dumb. Today she learns that you can use tired old clichés and they’ll think you’re incredibly smart and witty for coming up with them. My one regret about today’s strip is that there isn’t some audio accompaniment to make clear exactly how badly Paul botches the pronunciation of “curator.”

Dick Tracy, 2/21/11

I’m posting today’s Dick Tracy so you can compare it to Saturday’s and see that, yes, it’s just giving you the same basic information in a different sequence. This happens over and over again, forever, until the sun expands into a red giant, killing everybody. Today’s strip is mainly notable because “doze” is spelled “dose.” Presumably this is because, come on, who the hell would bother to edit Dick Tracy, though it’s possible that Dick is a closet dope fiend and is afraid to shoot up or take goofballs or whatever lest Toasterhead gain the upper hand. (The strip’s previous casual use of drug lingo may be instructive in this regard.)

Dennis the Menace, 2/21/11

OH SNAP DENNIS JUST CALLED AMERICA’S MOM A HO