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Dennis the Menace, 2/17/07

OK, it’s official: somebody over at Dennis the Menace central thinks that spelling “vegetables” as “veg-tables” is automatically hilarious. And it’s not, OK? It’s just … not. Stop it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/17/07

“And by ‘we,’ I obviously mean ‘our dog.’ That’s why we had a V-chip installed in her brain!”

Judge Parker, 2/17/07

Wow, yesterday I thought Neddy’s weird nauseated face was supposed to represent shock and surprise; today we learn that in fact, she really is massively hung over and on the verge of hurling all over everyone waiting in line to register for classes. This will surely earn her the permanent nickname of la Barfeuse among her classmates.

Also, if her right hand gesture is any indication, she seems to have joined a gang at some point over the course of the previous night’s activities.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 2/17/07

This tale is perhaps understood a little better if we reverse the sequence. “Howzat again? Buttbrain loathes his wife with every fiber of his being, but then … when he goes to work … heh, heh … there’s no end to the inappropriate sexual advances! OH YEAH!”

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Dennis the Menace, 2/15/07

Can anyone explain to me what Dennis is supposed to be doing in this panel? Is he riding his chair like a horsey? Is that it? That doesn’t seem menacing so much as insane. If he were swinging the chair around at the heads of the other children, that would be menacing.

I note that Dennis’ chair does not have a little desk attachment like the other children’s. Perhaps he ripped it off and flung at someone. That’d be menacing, though apparently The Man doesn’t want to show it to us.

Mark Trail, 2/15/07

“Yeah, I did a lot of foolish things back then! Like take advantage of the opportunities afforded by my military service to learn an exciting and interesting trade that would allow me to get high-paying jobs in civilian life!”

Does Sally ever get to decide things for herself? Dan may have released his death grip on her upper arms, but it looks like he’s got a hold that’s just as strong on her soul. It may be that his raw sexual charisma has her under his spell — check out those pecs in panel two! That is one well-fitted turtleneck.

Judge Parker, 2/15/07

OH, SNAP! FEEL THE BURN, MME. SPENCER!

If it turns out that it never occurred to Abbey and Neddy that a French art school might conduct its classes in French, I will be very, very happy. “But … but … I bought a beret! I can’t believe you expect me to do more to fit in!”

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Dennis the Menace, 2/8/07

Well, OK, so it’s a little menacing to fill some little kid’s head full of tales of supernatural demons to the extent that his eyes are wide with mortal terror and (presumably) his bladder is emptying onto the sheets. However, the little kid is Joey, who is such a tremendous feeb that it isn’t even sporting to try to scar his psyche permanently. Dennis could have gotten the same results by saying, “Look, under the bed! Shoes!” Or just making a loud noise.

Mary Worth, 2/8/07

“No, I came halfway around the world to drag you back to the stultifying suburban existence that you’ve tried so hard to escape! If it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for you! The fact that I got to insult a third-world doctor and condemn dozens of children to a lifetime of suffering in the process — well, that’s just a bonus!”

Seriously, Mary Worth is an awful, awful human being. If Jeff manages to muster his last reserves of strength, sit up, and bite off the tip of Mary’s pointing finger, he will forever be my hero.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 2/8/07

Today’s TDIET shocked and horrified me — not for the usual reasons, but because Loopina is actually a type recognizable to modern, vaguely with-it people. Surely we all know that young contrarian hipster — probably not a teenager, but certainly under the age of 35, which, for the typical TDIET reader, amounts to the same thing — who’s all techno-enabled and blog-happy and whatnot but when it comes to music will wax rhapsodic about the warmer sound you get from LPs. Heck, he or she may very well have a blog that focuses on that very subject. It’s a good thing that this panel includes characters dressed like they’re from some bizarre alternate-universe 1950s and the delightfully weird phrase “computer-armchair potato” or my head might have exploded.

Update: Well, obviously the reason this TDIET depicts life after the end of the Truman administration is that “Leila Louise Henly” is none other than faithful reader Non-Shannon (you might remember her from the picture that accompanied this post). Congrats, Non-Shannon. I like the bow in your hair, but I’m frankly shocked that you weren’t depicted as listening to a Victrola.

Mark Trail, 2/8/07

Hmm, I may have to rethink my heroin theory. The only way you make tropical-island-retirement money in a national forest is through shady logging deals. If we get to see Mark punch out Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne at the end of all this, I will be a happy guy.

Garfield, 2/8/07

Ha! Garfield got a text message! And it spelled you like u! It’s funny … text messages … kids today … um … oh, God … [soft, persistent weeping].