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Mary Worth, 10/3/22

Ahh, after a little stalling, it’s a new Mary Worth plot, and it looks like we’re finally going to see the magic that makes the unstoppable Iris-Zak love story work. So far we have “Iris hangs on Zak’s every word and lavishes him with attention to try to make him happy” and “Zak has whole conversation with Iris that he just forgets, probably because it’s more efficient to use that brain space for coming up with new apps.” Sounds promising!

Dennis the Menace, 10/3/22

Dennis’s blank, uncomprehending look, combined with Alice’s sly smile, has completely upended the meaning of Dennis the Menace for me: it’s actually a Munchausen syndrome by proxy situation, but for menacing. Who do you think is carefully feeding Dennis all those rude things he “accidentally” blurts out in front of the party guests? Truly chilling stuff.

Dick Tracy, 10/3/22

This lady at the bar is all of us. She just wants to see something unbelievable, or at least interesting, but instead she gets caught up in an internecine feud between mutant criminal lowlife types. This is why more and more people are abandoning the bar scene for dating apps!

Slylock Fox, 10/3/22

We’ve seen this mystery before, but the text has gotten a substantial upgrade: instead of pretending to eat boring old beef broth, Count Weirdly is eating a piping hot bowl of cream of mushroom soup, which I think we can all agree is much funnier. I’m tempted to go commit some crimes just so I can say to the cops “But officers! I couldn’t possibly have done any of that, because I’ve been here all this time, eating this bowl of delicious cream of mushroom soup!” I would probably end up spending years in prison, but it would be worth it.

Gil Thorp, 10/3/22

Wait, I’m sorry, Coach Kaz’s dojo is a penthouse apartment? We always knew that high school sports were the backbone of Milford’s self-image, but I don’t think we quite understood how well even the assistant coaches were paid. Anyway, Keri, watch out for that bowl of green stuff, it’s mostly pork.

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Mary Worth, 9/26/22

A lot of you seemed to think that Mary and Jeff’s dinner date was just a little palate cleanser before we moved on to the next, actual storyline. A lot of you apparently thought wrong! This strip will be delivering Mary Worth in: Ambulatory digestion until you beg for Wilbur seeming to be dead but then not actually being dead or whatever.

Judge Parker, 9/26/22

I dunno, Steve, Sam’s fallen on some hard times since Abbey kicked him off of her vast landholdings, and I hear the meth gangs play pretty well. He already has extensive contacts in the illicit drug trade, so maybe this isn’t the best of all possible plans?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/22

I guess the joke here is supposed to be “Ha ha, Li’l Sparky is an influencer, like on Instagram and such!”, but that assumes the target readership of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is familiar with that meaning of the word “follower,” and that is not a bet I personally would’ve made.

Dennis the Menace, 9/26/22

Oh, snap, looks like Dennis just got reaaaall menacing towards the property tax exemption for religious organizations!

Pluggers, 9/26/22

CLOCK’S TICKING, PLUGGERS

CLOCK’S

TICKING

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The Lockhorns, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Lockhorns are about to default on their mortgage, leaving them homeless and destitute!

Dennis the Menace, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis is about to piss himself, right there on the field where everyone can see!

Pardon My Planet, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because this brain in a jar wants to be more fuckable! Wait, did I say funny? I meant sad. Very, very sad.

Pluggers, 9/23/22

Pluggers? Caring about the long term of their home, or their planet? No way! They’ll be dead soon, so who cares!