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Dick Tracy, 8/5/18

Today’s Dick Tracy is brought to you by the tourism board of Minot, North Dakota: the Magic City! Sadly, this nickname is not a testament to its rich heritage of sleight-of-hand artistry, but rather is a reference to the fact that it sprung up almost overnight in the 1880s, as if someone had waved a wand and intoned “Abracadabra!” The real reason was not because of any dark sorcery, of course, but because it was at one point the last stop on the Great Northern Railway as that line was being built across the U.S. The town’s railroading history makes it an appropriate location for this adventure, since Sawtooth escaped from his botched attempt to kill Dick Tracy by hopping on a freight train. According to Wikipedia, another nickname for Minot is “Little Chicago,” which makes sense as well because it’s where Dick Tracy, a lawless cop from Regular Sized Chicago, is going to gun down Sawtooth while he’s “attempting to escape,” Chicago-style.

Pluggers, 8/5/18

The obvious thing to point and laugh at here is of course “pluggers wouldn’t be caught dead spending time in some foreign country where the people probably don’t even speak English,” but let’s not sleep on the fact that our plugger couple is making their vacation plans based on whatever happened to show up unsolicited in their mailbox this morning. You can have your fancy digital marketing campaign with your carefully cultivated Instagram influencers; the way to a plugger’s heart, and wallet, remains direct mail.

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/23/18

The question of whether Hagar and his contemporaries are Christians or adherents to the old Norse pantheon is one that comes up often on this blog. But I guess these existential questions are best answered for all of us when we die, and Hagar’s looming demise is telling us a lot about who he served. Those aren’t angels, those are the servants of Ba‘al Zəbûb, Lord of the Flies.

Dick Tracy, 7/23/18

Good news, everyone! Sawtooth and Grimm did not manage to kill Dick Tracy while disguised as lovable bread-men! I myself am not a henchman for a criminal syndicate, but I really wonder: is admitting that you need medical attention because you’ve been shot, with a gun, enough for you to lose your “tough guy” status? Do transportation arrangements really trump a seeping bullet wound when setting priorities? I guess this is just further proof that I’m not cut out for the crime biz!

Gil Thorp, 7/23/18

Ha ha oh God this game is still happening this storyline is still happening this spring will never end

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/5/18

Don’t you just love it when some jerkwad announces “A Question!” as though you couldn’t recognize one without his expert help? Darin is a jerkwad, is what I’m saying.

Mark Trail, 7/5/18

More savage than the Maya?  Brr.

“Yes, Rusty — elite warriors were sacrificed in the “dark rituals,” while women and children were sold as slaves. Say, why don’t you and Mara go check out the market while the diggers and I have a word with your Dad?”

Gil Thorp, 7/5/18

The school newspaper sent 6:00 AM push notifications to every phone in town. Be careful crossing the street today, Dafne — Del Bader is the only guy who won’t try to run you over.

Dick Tracy, 7/5/18

Moon-themed exposition from Retik and Stellaluna. Apparently the Moon Maid DNA slurped up from that car wreck to create Mysta gave her a powerful attraction to Moon Maid’s now-remarried widower. Modern problems!

— Uncle Lumpy