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Mark Trail, 11/6/12

So, everyone, quick poll: did Bill figure out a good way to tell Mark’s wife Cherry? I mean, what would sort of explanation would you prefer if your spouse had been kidnapped by an oddly jovial group of Caribbean pirates and was being held for ransom? Would you like some softening up first, like “Hey, Cherry, remember your neglectful husband who’s always running off and refusing to satisfy you sexually? It’d be pretty great if he got kidnapped, right?” Or would prefer it if Bill just straight-up told you what happened, even though he knows he’ll have to withstand a terrifying eye close-up? I like the latter approach, personally, though it’ll quickly flip from “good way to tell my wife Cherry” to “bad way to tell my wife Cherry” if Bill follows up with “So, uh, do you have $2 million you can lay your hands on pretty fast to pay the ransom? I mean the corporate yacht is worth more than that, but you wouldn’t believe the paperwork hoops I’d have to jump through if I went down that route.”

Dick Tracy, 11/6/12

Dick Tracy insane violence update! Sadly, Measles appears to have escaped his horrible ordeal without having been blinded or even suffering any visible scarring. Still, he’s now considering doping himself with some kind of crazy anesthetic patches that will allow him to not feel any of Dick’s bullets tearing into his body, and will therefore be able to fight until his body simply stops functioning. This is certainly promising!

Apartment 3-G, 11/6/12

“Margo Magee, you never cease to amaze me! It’s almost as if you’re not just indifferent to running a publicity agency, but are actively trying to alienate all your clients so as to bankrupt yourself as quickly as possible!”

IMPORTANT NOTE: Would you like to talk about today’s U.S. presidential election? Probably, as it is an important and exciting event, that is happening today! If that’s your thing, go on over to the post that I have created for this purpose. Please keep the comments on this post focused on the comics and the rest of the usual fun nonsense. Thanks!

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Gil Thorp, 11/3/12

Boring as the current Gil Thorp storyline has been, it at least has kept me guessing. Mostly those guesses have been along the lines of “OK, now it’s going to be about something other than Terry Gallagher becoming a manufactured Milford celebrity more or less on the whims of two other ill-defined random dudes, right? How about … now? Or, now? Nope, still about that, huh.” But also I’m confused as to how the plot’s going to end, though I think today’s strip seems to set things up for the traditional narrative of hubris followed by destruction. How else are we to interpret the final panel of today’s strip, in which Terry is paraded about the stadium like a Celtic God in the back of a chariot, one of his women at his side (oh, he’s making out with multiple girls, FYI), receiving the fist-pumping adulation of thousands? Oh, it’s going to turn ugly for Terry Gallagher. Ugly indeed. (Just kidding, probably he’s going to just get yelled at by his makeout partners and Milford won’t make the playdowns and he’ll smile and say something wry.)

Dick Tracy, 11/3/12

Dick Tracy has been lighter on the graphic, brutal violence since the reboot, but it still has its high points! I like the fact that the little arrow-box, a classic Dick Tracy device, is being used to make sure you realize that yes, that ash-like material Sparkle Plenty scooped out from under the flames in the stove is in fact hot ash, and that right now Measles’ already scarred flesh is being horribly burned. We’ve actually seen Gertie sneaking up on him with an ax for the last couple days, so at least the exact form of horrible pain Measles is suffering has come as surprise!

Archie, 11/3/12

Ha ha, that Mr. Lodge sure does get mad at Archie! Who knows whether it’s because he’s poor or he’s ginger or he wants to touch Veronica’s lady parts or he’s just kind of a jackass, but whatever the case, we now know that Mr. Lodge thinks of Archie as a mere object, a subhuman “it,” to be destroyed without a second thought when the time is right. Enjoy your next visit to stately Lodge Manor, Archie! It will be your last.

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Spider-Man, 10/18/12

So Kraven the Hunter has been out of prison long enough to get his own Vegas show, but the Daily Bugle is only now getting wind of it? Maybe they aren’t the hard-charging journalistic enterprise I’d always imagined. I guess it’s telling that Robbie is reading this information from a dispatch still hot from the fax machine.

What do you suppose is going on with everyone’s relative head sizes in the second panel, by the way? Is this just a cinematic way to show that Peter is dwelling on this conversation hours later, hearing JJJ say “they pardoned him?” in his head, over and over, as he smacks his forehead in exasperation at America’s failing justice system? (No, actually, the correct answer is “clip art.”)

Dick Tracy, 10/18/12

Famous model Sparkle Plenty is the daughter of B.O. Plenty and Gravel Gertie, which means that she’s the full sister of whatever horrifying baby-creature sent these medicos fleeing in terror. Got all the good genes, I guess! Anyway, this diseased ne’er-do-well she just met appears to be attempting to sell her drugs. Is this how famous people obtain drugs? I don’t think this is how famous people obtain drugs.

Momma, 10/18/12

So, is Momma a terrible hypochondriac, or is she a desperate pill-head who will say anything to get a fix? Which possibility is funnier? Which is sadder? Is your answer to both questions the same? Discuss.