Archive: Dick Tracy

Post Content

Judge Parker, 3/18/11

Now, I know you people, and a lot of you are going to read this and be all like “Ha, Sam and Angel are going to be go on a gay date, and ‘preferring jazz to musical theater’ is code for being on the down low, etc., etc., hardy har har.” Which just goes to show that you don’t know Sam Driver, at all. Sam doesn’t enjoy physical and emotional intimacy with other human beings, like normal people do; Sam only gets off on denying others his sexual favors. Bored with only spurning women, he’s taking the first tentative steps towards breaking male hearts as well.

Dick Tracy, 3/18/11

I am enjoying the work of the new Dick Tracy artists! The previous regime, of course, focused on a series of villains who were hideously deformed; the new guys are branching out to people who also emit some kind of horrible odor as well.

Apartment 3-G, 3/18/11

Nice try, buddy! Everyone knows that hobos and tramps are entirely different categories of itinerants (the classic dichotomy being that hobos work odd jobs when they can while tramps beg). So why don’t you stop playing coy and admit that you’re a Russian Grand Duke or something who doesn’t like to shave or buy new clothes, and skip ahead to the part where you whisk Iris away to your villa on the Côte d’Azur.

Jumble, 3/18/11

True story: Up until fairly recently, I thought that a “spin class” involved spinning around in circles, and couldn’t figure out why everyone seemed to think they were so difficult! Ha ha, isn’t that funny? Anyway, apparently they actually consist of working out really intensely on stationary bicycles, which explains why the nameless protagonist in this panel appears to be experiencing some sort of massive cardiac event.

Post Content

Family Circus, 3/14/11

Ill-content with his future as a sullen dick, Billy aspires to be a sullen ignorant dick. Live the dream, Billy!

Baby Blues, 3/14/11

Uh-oh — looks like Hammie’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Lot of that going around. Can’t wait for the musical!

Marvin, 3/14/11

Marvin, perfected. You folks can stop now.

Judge Parker, 3/14/11

Marketing executive — of course. Alan’s Blackberry® also brings news that his two-week Wonder Novel has received a Pulitzer Prize, and Sam’s been appointed Attorney General and Papal Nuncio. Judge Parker pumps its characters so full of gas it’s like watching Ally McBeal staged by Macy’s parade balloons.

Dick Tracy, 3/14/11

Whoa — what the hell is that thing growing out of Dick’s left wrist? And are we headed for four months of “It’s morning out there”/”I’m gonna call you, Tracy”? Time will tell.


Hey, I’m outta here! Josh will return on Monday with your COTW, and chew back into the comics on Tuesday. It’s been a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Prince Valiant, 3/13/11

In the dark ages before mobile phones, a sorceress with a beef could hex a passing oaf, daub ZOMG U R A HOAR!!11! on his tunic, and send him lumbering off to her rival’s lair. A good catfight would choke the streets of Camelot with oaves trudging to and fro through the dung and offal wearing STFU, 4Q 2U2, and 182, or lounging in the market as ZZZ or BRB.

Maldubh, sorceress wife of Val’s rival Draco, recently oafed Val and Aleta: V@L+A1337A — FOAD Y NOT? KTHXBAI, and here we see the reply: OMFG MAGIC FAIL NEENR NEENR.

Dick Tracy (panels), 3/13/11

Dick Tracy and Dick Locher say goodbye. Aww, nice. “High-speed”, heh!

The Lockhorns (panel), 3/13/11

Loretta Lockhorn brags about her plan to sex her husband to death. Sorry, Loretta — Anna Nicole Smith you are not.

— Uncle Lumpy