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Pluggers, 9/15/26

Sorry, pluggers! The FDA just declared the cyclospora outbreak over, and we all trust the FDA on this, right? [nervous laughter] Anyhoo, my point is that you are, once again, behind trend, and also shitting your guts out in a port-a-john for unrelated and uncool reasons.

Dick Tracy, 9/15/26

Oh no! They shot Widescreen! They shot him right in the gun. Or maybe the gun blew up, what with Sten guns being notoriously unreliable and Widescreen probably ordering it from some extremely dodgy online retailer? Unclear. The point is, he seems dead now, or at least dead-ish.

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Blondie, 9/13/26

This is, truly, one of the saddest Blondies I’ve ever seen. Of course, we all know that Dagwood’s every waking moment is dominated by his insatiable appetite. Today, we see that this drive has led him to hyperfixate on one specific food: some delicious eclairs that his wife made the previous day. He’s compelled to search for them in a series of increasingly implausible places, convinced that they’re hiding somewhere — convinced, perhaps, that they’ve been hidden from him somewhere, by his beloved wife, to thwart what he wants the most. But in the end, he learns that he has already consumed them, that the desire that has dominated his day was already fulfilled, but it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough to produce a moment of pleasure or even satiety that lasts enough to be remembered. There’s only the wanting. The wanting is all he knows how to experience.

Dick Tracy, 9/13/26

The villainous Widescreen, after incinerating his criminal associate, has decided for reasons not entirely clear to me to simply give up and commit suicide by cop. Anyway, I like how we go from the Crimestoppers Textbook entry about dealing with home improvement scams immediately to a panel of what I guess is a Sten gun glowing with divine light. Sure, you could consider gently but firmly closing the door on these potential scammers if you can’t determine that they’re legitimate, but have you considered simply spraying your neighborhood with submachine gun fire? Only way to be safe, probably!

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The Lockhorns, 9/3/26

I like how Leroy is delivering this line as he’s buttoning up his shirt. Like, sure, maybe he made some desperate promises when he was naked and Dr. Blog was poking and prodding at him, but now he’s regained his dignity enough to say “I’m not going to be following any of your advice because I hate myself and crave death, by the way.”

Dustin, 9/3/26

The most important thing about the advent of the Age of AI, from my perspective, is that I now have to deal with syndicated newspaper cartoonists who think they understand what AI is but don’t. Is AI a little man who sits in your computer and shares all your prejudices, and will gleefully add “LOL” to the resume of a feckless young person who, if he were real, you would hold in contempt? No! That’s not what AI is at all!

Dick Tracy, 9/3/26

“Yes, I’ll tell you what’s up … we’re tracking hackers and this guy’s name was Hackenschmidt. It must be related!” Sure, that’s incredibly stupid, but also he’s right, so we can only say that Dick has adapted to his narrative environment.