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Archive: Dick Tracy

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She’s only doing it to establish Worthy Award eligibility in the Best Floating Head category

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Dick Tracy, 8/5/22

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that Marina did end up throwing herself at Detective Tracy, sexually, but don’t worry: his sense of loyalty to his wife and revulsion at interplanetary miscegenation meant that he spurned her advances so he could do what actually turns him on: detective work wearing a hilariously pointless disguise. If I were one of only three or four humans in an underground Antarctic city, I might be less than confident that just covering my face was enough to ensure anonymity, especially since nobody with Lunarian antennae could properly wear that hood. I’m not the world’s greatest detective, though, so what do I know?

Hi and Lois, 8/5/22

I gotta say, as running gags go, “Chip and his friend in the sailor cap try to break out of their suffocating risk-free suburban lifestyle but have no real idea how to do it” isn’t the worst that Hi and Lois can do. Certainly better than “Trixie thinks she’s friends with the sun” or “Dot and Ditto just aren’t very smart” or the other usual fare we get here.

Mary Worth, 8/5/22

“So I get my full appearance fee? Even if I just appear in a thought balloon? Well, I guess that’s OK then”: What I’m assuming Iris said to Mary Worth management, based on her facial expression here.

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He’s gonna be disappointed when it’s just a showing of the 2006 Aronofsky film

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Dennis the Menace, 7/29/22

The punchline here is just supposed to be “ha ha Dennis is dumb/a child” but the arrangement of pieces on the board seems to indicate he and Mr. Wilson are pretty deep into this game considering Dennis is, what, five? Six? Maybe the comment is meant to indicate that Mr. Wilson can’t keep up with Dennis’s keen chess mastery, and Dennis is actually going to soon graduate from thrashing his elderly neighbors and move on to the high-stakes world of competitive chess, which, if the drama depicted in the The Queen’s Gambit, now streaming on Netflix, is any guide, would actually be a fairly menacing move on his part.

Dick Tracy, 7/29/22

Definitely one thing that doesn’t trigger my suspicions at all is when I am a stranger in an unusual community and a comely local lass I’ve just met offers to be my guide in showing me a mysteriously named local monument. I would fully expect to arrive at this “Fountain” and not be asked to participate in a ritual that nobody will tell me any details about, and if by chance I were asked, I feel confident that I could simply decline and receive no pushback about it. This evening is going to go great for Dick!

Hi and Lois, 7/29/22

Oh, stop whining, you two, if you want to court death to feel alive just do drugs like normal people

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Troubled youth

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Gasoline Alley, 7/23/22

Despite feeling obliged to read Gasoline Alley every day, I often fail to retain the details of its sprawling cast and their various problems, because honestly, why do that with my precious brain space when I could be doing literally anything else with it, but it’s slowly been dawning on me that the “Jimmy” who we recently saw ruining his sister’s sex life is the same kid who got a ride on a real live steam locomotive because he was dying of some unspecified terminal illness all the way back in 2014. I’m not sure if they somehow cured him in the interim and I just forgot or if the kid suffers from “Walt Syndrome,” a rare condition unique to the Alleyverse where a character lingers at the ege of death indefinitely without ever actually dying, but clearly Jimmy’s sister’s paramour is done with waiting. That’s why he’s turning to his grandfather Slim, who once got mad about some local teens playing basketball so he hired a guy to murder them by dropping a meteorite on them out of a helicopter. Slim knows from killing minors in elaborate space-themed “accidents,” in other words, and this rocketship built much faster than NASA ever could, with fewer safety features than NASA would ever be allowed to include, will do nicely.

Dick Tracy, 7/23/22

So whey would some faction of the now Earthbound race of Moon People want to turn their monstrous powers against Earth’s unsuspecting governments? Well, it turns out their Moon youth are being corrupted by anime. How else do you expect any self-respecting civilization to respond?

Hi and Lois, 7/23/22

Honestly respect how absolutely devastated Hi is by this. He’s been hanging on by a thread for a while now, but at least he thought that his family respected his grilling prowess. Now even that’s been taken from him, and there’s nothing left.