Post Content

Dick Tracy, 2/18/21

I just kind of assumed that, as a high-ranking detective in the Major Crimes Unit, Dick Tracy was, if not living on easy street, then at least financially comfortable. But today we learn that he’s so short of cash that he’s been reduced to using leftover Chinese food for gambling purposes, and thinks a single dollar bill represents “pay dirt.” Truly sad that those snitches in Internal Affairs say you’re not allowed to put stuff from the evidence locker up for auction on the dark web anymore!

Six Chix, 2/18/21

I … guess this is a riff on the “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” bit in the beloved 1996 Adam Sandler film Happy Gilmore? Except that cats really do eat fish, and it isn’t gross at all or embarrassing for the cat say that? I suppose if Six Chix were going to do a strip where the entire joke was substituting the word “fish” for the word “shit” because they sound vaguely alike, they could’ve made it a lot more disgusting than this, so let’s count our blessings.

Dennis the Menace, 2/18/21

Dennis has a plan for rising sea levels in the wake of melting ice caps, everyone: he’s gonna climb this tree! It’s not a plan with a lot of thought towards next steps or long term consequences, but it is a plan nevertheless.

Post Content

Dick Tracy, 2/6/21

Ahh yes, it’s Pouch, the beloved ancillary Dick Tracy character/criminal informant/balloon merchant who’s named after the utterly horrifying pendulous curtain of flesh hanging off his chin, which has a pouch with a snap where he can hide things. Anyway, if you’re like me, which is to say extremely normal, after a lot of strips where Pouch is loitering in the park, selling his balloons and/or information about underworld activity, you’ve probably wondered, “Say, what’s Pouch’s home life like?” Well, today’s Dick Tracy is here to report that it is in fact pretty bleak, since his “home” appears to be a seedy hotel and all he has for entertainment is a police scanner disguised as a Star Trek: The Original Series tricorder. His helium tank sitting in the corner is a nice touch though! Something I definitely have never wondered about is what his weird, gross neck pouch would like from the perspective of someone standing over his shoulder, but one of you sickos must’ve thought about this, because today’s strip is forcing us to contemplate it.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/6/21

Mel Brooks once said that “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” That’s the only logic I can discern as the driver to this strip, in which Funky, who lives in a universe of constant misery, illness, and death, has deemed a successful minor surgery that will immediately improve his quality of life a “tragedy.” Anyway, I certainly hope this aide is saying “lucky you” right as he gives Funky a gentle shove into off the curb and into oncoming traffic.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 1/27/21

I guess I never explained it here, but Eve confided in Saul that her crying episode at the mall was one of the anxiety attacks she sometimes experiences. She didn’t offer any further explanation, nor was she obligated to! But I guess the strip is determined to give her something specific to cry about. Suits? They’re no reason at all to experience anxiety. Now, getting unexpectedly pulled to the ground by your rambunctious dog, maybe breaking your hip in the process and suffering through a long rehabilitation process? That’s something to keep you up at night!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/27/21

It sure seemed like the sad tale of Buck Develops The Diabeetus was going to end without much drama, as Buck submitted to his fate without much fuss. However, it looks like he might just have some fight left in him, because he’s contemplating going out in a blaze of glory, buying the biggest, thickest milkshake cutting-edge cup and straw technology can handle and then guzzling it until his pancreas explodes.

Dick Tracy, 1/27/21

“So it turns out our suspects haven’t done any crimes! But I’ve got a bunch of reasons why we should hassle them anyway.”

Marvin, 1/27/21

“So what if we could keep him asleep … forever! Ha ha, just kidding. But what if…?”