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Dennis the Menace, 5/7/21

Hello, everyone! Did you know today is No Pants Day, a day when we’re all urged to donate unwanted clothes, or give to a charity that helps people who need clothes? I myself did not, but today’s syndicated comics are here to raise awareness! Honestly the strip that does the best job is Dennis the Menace, which gives you the details you need to know while also doing a joke that may be about how Dennis hopes to see Mr. Wilson with no pants, or may be about that his hope that Mr. Wilson knows it’s completely legit for him and Joey to be wandering the neighborhood fully nude from the waist down. Either possibility is pretty disturbing, and disturbing is a kind of menacing, I guess.

Marvin, 5/7/21

Marvin, meanwhile, doesn’t really bother to explain the concept of this new (?) holiday, as it’s far too eager to depict its title character’s ass crack.

The Lockhorns, Dick Tracy, and Hi and Lois, 5/7/21

Other strips, meanwhile, aren’t even mentioning the day by name, but are just taking the opportunity to depict some middle-aged men standing around in their underwear. And who can blame them? Hubba hubba!

Mary Worth, 5/7/21

Wow, seems Ashlee went full-on Fatal Attraction a lot sooner than anyone expected, huh? Anyway, Mary Worth may not be doing an explicit No Pants Day tribute, but make no mistake: based on his facial expression, Drew has definitely shat himself, and will be in the nearest linen closet changing into whatever scrubs he can find in his size in short order.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/3/21

Man, clearly the menace here is not Dennis, who’s merely playfully experimenting with the results of intensifying ontological categories, but rather Henry, who’s walking away from the table with a smug little smirk on his face. “Ha ha, Dennis you scamp,” he’s thinking, “Can’t let her get too comfortable! I’m carrying exactly one bowl into the kitchen, so I’m doing my part to clean up.”

Dick Tracy, 5/3/21

Say, how’s Sam and Dick’s witness babysitting going? Well, they lost him, but then they found him again. Ha ha, police work isn’t all fun and games! Sometimes it’s grinding attention to detail in pursuit of a suspect, and sometimes it’s endless bureaucracy and red tape. But other times it can be an invigorating round of hide and seek, which is, literally, fun and games. Enjoy it while it lasts, boys!

Judge Parker, 5/3/21

You’ve been tracking … the CIA’s movements? Like, the whole CIA? All [checks Wikipedia] 21,500 employees? Maybe the CIA shouldn’t have let April quit, she seems like she’s pretty good at spy stuff.

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Crock, 4/24/21

Man, I really respect how tired they made Maggot look in the final panel here. “Won’t beer cans explode? [extremely heavy sigh] Get it? Because I don’t know how to cook, and I’m an alcoholic? [long, awkward silence] Masculinity is a crushing prison.”

Dick Tracy, 4/24/21

I also respect how utterly disgusted Dick looks in his final panel today. Keep one of these deformed criminal freaks alive? That’s exactly the opposite of everything Dick stands for.

Hi and Lois, 4/24/21

Hi, your infant daughter is on the floor eating out of the dog’s bowl. I don’t think your kids would be doing significantly worse with Chip in charge, so why not go play golf, you know?

Mary Worth, 4/21/21

Oh, look, it’s an attractive blonde whose pupils are dilated with arousal at the mere sight of Dr. Drew! Could his life get any more dissatisfying?