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Dick Tracy, 1/24/20

Oh, hmm, it looks like bank robber/Styx aficionado/robot cosplay enthusiast Mr. Roboto is a theater critic in his everyday life, and he’s become sexually fixated on Mysta Chimera playing the role of the sinister robotrix Futura in Vitamin Flintheart’s stage production of Metropolis (not unlike Vitamin himself). The really sad thing is that Mysta is already a gangster’s daughter who’s memories were wiped and body was transformed by injections of moon-alien DNA. Isn’t that interesting and sci-fi-y enough for this creep? Why does she has to dress up like a robot as well to catch his interest?

Marvin, 1/24/20

There’s this whole running plot this week in Marvin where Jeff is hanging out at a motorcycle showroom with tough bikers that I don’t even want to go into because it’s so dumb and bad, but I am saddened by today’s strip, in which Jeff declares one of the bumper stickers on display “pretty funny.” Which of these lame non-jokes managed to prompt a grin from this pathetic man? “Bike at you!”, which I guess is supposed to be a takeoff of “Back at you”? “I [heart] the road” or “Leather rules,” which aren’t even supposed to be funny? This is a truly pathetic look into the joy-starved soul of Jeff Miller, if this is what briefly brightens the terrible darkness within him.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/24/20

“So, yeah, I didn’t fuck Les back in the day, but every year as I get older and less desirable, I have to ask myself, ‘Would I now?’ So far, every year the answer’s been a solid no, thank God. Uh, no offense.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 1/18/20

I am suddenly very invested in Mason shadowing Les on a trip around New York, demanding that Les tell him everything, that he explain in each and every spot of emotional significance how Lisa felt when they were there, how she suffered, how her pain helped forge Les into the man he is today. If nothing else, it might finally, finally get Les to shut the fuck up about it.

Dick Tracy, 1/18/20

Man, Dick and Sam sure are pissed that, due to that pesky hostage (who wasn’t really a hostage, not that Dick and Sam know that), they didn’t have a chance to fill Dr Roboto with hot lead, huh? I guess that explains why they just saw a hostage dragged off by a bank robber and they aren’t making any kind of attempt to rescue that hostage or even figure out where the bank robber might be taking him.

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Mark Trail, 1/15/20

So, uh, not only are we getting the rambling yeti story I asked for but it’s actually extremely violent and also … in a completely different art style, for some reason? I’m not sure if Mark would’ve been so eager to go on this expedition if he had known that yeti were very aggressive and also impervious to guns! Anyway, I guess the reason Dr. Camel doesn’t want to profit from the yeti is because he wants to murder it, in revenge for what it did to his family.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/15/20

You know, the thing about Les is that he’s actually kind of cheery a lot of the time — in a smug, insufferable way, admittedly, but still, he usually has a smirk for everybody. I’m genuinely kind of baffled why he’s just a total dick about literally everything about this movie adaptation of Lisa’s Story, which, to emphasize, is only happening because he agreed to it, despite the fact that he already sabotaged an earlier version of it. What’s his game here, exactly? Why has he come all the way to Hollywood to piss and mope? And since he’s not writing the script anymore, why did Mason fly him all the way out to Hollywood for him to piss and mope in person? Do they not know about Skype? Did Mason feel the need to see Les slouching and shitting all over his dreams in the flesh?

Anyway, once you’ve read this comic and learned that fighting against daunting odds — whether it’s to beat cancer or deliver a truly authentic film about your loved ones — is basically pointless, hopefully you’ll feel inspired to donate to Lisa’s Legacy Fund!!!!!

Dick Tracy, 1/15/20

Awful lot of bullets being exchanged in this “cold war,” huh? I’m beginning to think that Mr. Roboto may not know what a cold war actually is.