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Family Circus, 4/29/25

Look, we all make fun of the crania of the various Family Circus children. “Melonheads,” we call them, and it’s become enough of a cliche that we don’t really think about it, really. That’s why it’s just a terrible idea for any individual Family Circus panel to invite us to contemplate the children’s heads in particular. Because they look awful. Like really unpleasant. There’s like a … lobe thing happening on the left side (our right) of these two’s heads, I think it’s supposed to be part of their hair but it’s drawn like it’s a curve in their skull? Don’t care for it. Don’t care for it all. The freckles don’t look great either, for what that’s worth.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/29/25

Welp, the cops came and arrested the dying stalker murderer guy without incident, so I guess we can take a measured breath and move on to the next plot and … oh, what’s this? Kelly’s rushed breathlessly back from college to learn what’s been going on all this time? Well, sure I supposed I have time to watch Summer recap the not particularly exciting last few weeks. I’m not going anywhere! Let’s roll with it! Probably could kill three or four days with this.

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Beetle Bailey, 4/4/25

That’s right, Zero! Article 17 of the Third Geneva Convention establishes that POWs are only required to give their name, rank, and service number to their captors; their identity so established is used for the administration of their rights under Article 71 to send and receive letters and cards, as supervised by the International Committee of the Red Cross. Your parents will be glad to know you’re alive and safe in … whatever country the men of Camp Swampy have been deployed to invade. It looks heavily forested, wherever it is. Good luck, fellas!

Gil Thorp, 4/4/25

Some say “Pops” was the heart and soul of Milford. Some say that he and “Pop” were the same person, while others say they were twin brothers, one of whom wore fancy clothes while the other wore workingman’s attire and a dumb hat. But everyone agreed that he sucked at coaching sports. He sucked so bad that Gil was credited with “turn[ing] the program around.” Gil! The coach we’ve been following for all these years, who frankly is not very good!

Hi and Lois, 4/4/25

I really love how exhausted Hi looks here. He’s reading that magazine right up until the final moment of unconsciousness, filling his mind with golf and nothing but golf. Golf will be the last thing he sees while he’s awake, so golf will be all he sees while he’s asleep! Golf, wonderful golf! Oh, also his wife is right there or whatever.

Family Circus, 4/4/25

“Let the kids watch PBS,” you said. “It’ll be educational and culturally enriching,” you said. “Definitely they won’t see a lady get stabbed to death by her jealous lover,” you said.

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Six Chix, 3/29/25

Look, man, everyone claims to love mermaids in theory, but a chimeric monster that’s half mammal, half fish was not meant to swim in the waters of our planet, and the only reason any seaside coffee hut should be catering to them on “National Mermaid Day” is as part of a sting operation allowing our military to capture one of these nightmarish cryptids and put our best scientists to work studying them so we can learn more about their weaknesses.

Pardon My Planet, 3/29/25

You know how sometimes you come up with a great gag for a cartoon, and then you draw the whole cartoon, but then you realize you’ve left a key visual signifier out of the cartoon so it doesn’t make sense, and it would be a big pain to redraw everything? Well, good news: you can just write the name of the thing you forgot to draw at the bottom of the panel and call it a “caption.” Nobody will stop you, or even care that much.

Family Circus, 3/29/25

“How do we know He won’t just spend it all on drugs? Why doesn’t He get a REAL JOB?”