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The Phantom, 6/17/05

Ces apparently gets racist hate mail for implying that a ten year old might be capable of taking care of herself; thus, I’m sure that King Features is really hearing it about this strip, which involves a latex-suited freak and a cone-hatted pygmy joking about the jungle-roofie-fueled date-rape (er, archaeological-expedition-rape) sequence that’s coming soon. Yuck.

Ziggy, 6/17/05

As C. Montgomery Burns once so aptly put it: “Oh, Ziggy, will you ever win?” I guess some GPs really are sick of dealing with patients without HEALTH INSURANCE.

Family Circus, 6/17/05

Dolly mangles the Pledge of Alliegence, day four: America’s nightmare continues. Remember how much trouble Roseanne Barr got into for singing the Star Spangled Banner off-key? You’d think that Sean Hannity would have called for the Keane clan’s death by now, but no such luck.

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Family Circus, 6/15/05

Yesterday, in honor of Flag Day, the Family Circus featured Dolly pledging alliegence to the flag, with a patented Family Circus word-mangling twist. Today, in honor of the day after Flag Day, we have … um, pretty much the same thing, only with just a hint of the occult. Was this just a joke that didn’t fit in yesterday’s caption but was too insanely hilarious to save till next year? Or is the Family Circus going to try to finish out the entire pledge? Every day when I read this feature I ask myself, “How long can they keep this crap up?” Usually, by “crap” I mean the Family Circus in general, but today at least I’m referring to this odious running gag.

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Family Circus, 6/11/05

This is the sort of trash you’re going to encounter if you insist on bringing your precious little angel onto public transportation instead of safely strapping her into her car seat in the back of your SUV as you shuttle her from strip mall to strip mall in your pristine, tattooed-hippie-free suburb. I mean, look at this guy! The tattoos are bad enough, of course, but check out the mushy red worker’s cap — he’s probably in the Wobblies or something. And his hair would almost be long enough to touch his collar — if he had a collar, which he doesn’t. Freak.

Why are Mommy and Dolly on the bus with all the ghetto puds, anyway? And why is Dolly wearing that weirdly matronly dress? Maybe Daddy got drunk and obnoxious one time too many, and Mommy grabbed her only girl-child, wrapped her up in the first thing she could find, and headed to the Greyhound station looking for a new life. Why, Mr. Magic Markers could be her new best friend! I bet he’d learn little miss mouthy some manners real quick.