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Blondie, 10/11/19

A little something about me, folks: I have plantar fasciitis and various hip/lower/back/hamstring problems, which means that shoes that don’t work exactly right for me can cause me a lot of cumulative physical discomfort. Right now pretty much the only shoes I wear that aren’t dress shoes (and thank goodness I barely ever have to wear dress shoes) are these bad boys from Keen plus their sandal equivalent, both of which I own in multiple colors at any given time. And so while to my eyes Dagwood’s shoes look wildly uncomfortable, I respect the fact that he spotted the grey version of the brown shoes he always wears on sale and immediately snapped them up.

Family Circus, 10/11/19

Here’s another little something about me: I’m a huge baby about horror movies and thus almost never watch them, but I do like to read the plot descriptions of the really popular ones on Wikipedia, where, stripped of the filmmaking arts, they just come off as vaguely ridiculous. Anyway, based on the Wikipedia plot summary of 2018’s Hereditary (and, uh, spoilers ahead for a year-old film, I guess), Billy’s “trouble” is that he was supposed to be the human host for an ancient demon worshipped by a coven led by his grandmother, but the evil spirit was implanted in Jeffy instead, which quite honestly explains quite a lot.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/11/19

This is kind of Linda to say, but of course Buck already knew. They had already expressed deep intimacy the only way Funkyverse characters know how: by engaging in awful wordplay together.

Mary Worth, 10/11/19

“Look, Estelle, are you expecting emotional fulfillment from a heterosexual relationship with a man? You think I’m happy with Dr. Jeff? I barely even like Dr. Jeff. Now get out there and become Wilbur’s girlfriend, for the love of Christ.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/9/19

“Anyway, now that he’s dead, I feel more free to tell everyone what an asshole he was. That’s how this works, right?”

Family Circus, 10/9/19

MOMMY [with one leg out the window, under her breath with her eyes closed in frustration]: damn it damn it damn it damn it

Pluggers, 10/9/19

WOW SOUNDS LIKE PLUGGERS CAN’T DEAL WITH THE OVERWHELMING SET OF CONSUMER CHOICES GENERATED BY CONTEMPORARY CAPITALISM

WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO SOVIET RUSSIA AND WAIT IN LINE FOR SOME UNFLAVORED ICE MILK, YOU WEIRD OLD DOG-MAN

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/29/19

Ha ha, yes, sure, Slylock abuses his law enforcement powers to force K-Rock to interrupt up their hot playlist of favorites from the ’80s, ’90s, and today to get an emergency message out to this crocodile car thief, but: what possible reason can there be for our fox detective to drive a car with such a insanely dangerous defect? And that’s not the sort of thing that just happens “accidentally” to an engine; no, I think Slylock actually had the mechanic introduce this feature quite deliberately. His clockwork mind can solve any problem posed to him, defeat any foe, and he feels like nothing challenges him anymore. Quite frankly he needs the sense of constant danger, needs to drive SLY 1 for four minutes and fiftysomething seconds, as Max becomes increasingly agitated, before abruptly pulling over to the side of the road and letting the engine cool and reset. It’s the only way he can feel alive.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/29/19

Speaking of people dying in car crashes, I guess someone in Funky Winkerbean … just died in a car crash? I suppose this is supposed to be Bull, as he spent a lot of the last week agitated because he couldn’t find the car keys (which Linda had hidden from him). The New York Times article about this said that we’d be seeing a “a five-panel sequence [that] shows Bull acting on the decision to take his own life,” but this seems a lot more ambiguous, like maybe he just found the car keys and shouldn’t have been driving and got muddled. Ha ha, it sure will be fun for Linda, having no closure and never really knowing was going through her husband’s mind in his final moments, whether he was trying to find peace or was just alone and confused and scared! This is a great, hilarious strip that people love to read!

Crock, 9/29/19

So … only one of the hens wasn’t aware she was living in a polygamous compound? And she learned because her shared husband was killed by incoming mail? A lot going on here, to be honest.

Family Circus, 9/29/19

Fine, Family Circus, you’ve done it. You’ve created a strip I laughed at unironically. I will always remember September 29, 2019, The Day The Keane Kids Soiled A Piano.