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Spider-Man, 8/6/18

Actually, there’s a wide variety of apps out there that can help you learn a second language on your own — Duolingo’s the most popular, but it’s an area where there’s a whole lot of competition. Of course, if you live in an predominantly immigrant neighborhood where you still speak your native tongue on an everyday basis and don’t have much chance to practice the language you’re learning on an everyday basis, you might come off a little stilted; still, you have to admit that, while Claw sometimes chooses a big word where a small one will do, any English-speaker will be able to understand him easily. How’s your Cantonese, anyway, Peter?

Family Circus, 8/6/18

About 10 years ago, I watching the Wizard of Oz with my niece, who was about 8 or 9 at the time, and in the very first scene that takes place in Oz, she said, “Look, Uncle Josh, you can tell they filmed this inside” — and it’s true! It’s really quite obvious it’s on a set. I had a sad moment of thinking “oh no, the kids today are too media savvy to enjoy this movie,” but then she followed up with “–and that’s how you know this is a magical land that they’re in!” It really warmed my heart that she had actually constructed this elaborate theory of the film’s visual semiotics that allowed her enjoy it all the more. Another generation was still going to find itself enraptured by this wonderful movie! Anyway, like I said, that was a decade ago, and all I can say seeing this panel is: welp, we had a good run.

Gil Thorp, 8/6/18

“They’re sure a lot more pleasant than the public school kids I spend most of my time with! Those priests are still allowed to beat some respect into them, I guess.”

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Marvin, 7/31/18

It’s weird how the Marvin cast of babies walk around unsupervised, talk, can grasp object permanence, etc., and really the only thing that marks them out as infants is that they’re short and aren’t potty trained. Almost as if someone just really likes the idea of functional adults shitting themselves deliberately on the regular, and who am I to judge! Ha ha, just kidding, I judge constantly, and in non-shitting judging news, why would a baby be at all interested in a fountain of youth? I guess maybe as a baby he recognizes the extreme jealousy his youth inspires in others and seeks to monetize it; or, conversely, maybe to him “youth” means young adulthood, and he aims to accelerate his fellow babies’ aging process until their physical development matches their mental state. They’re still gonna shit their pants, though! Just a hunch I have about that.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/31/18

I’d always just pegged Parson Tuttle as an uncomplicated grifter, but now I see he has a much darker design: to use Scripture as a recruiting tool to raise an army of child soldiers, like an Appalachian Kony. Can the women in this community hold the line against the total violent breakdown of their community?

Family Circus, 7/31/18

I have to admit that seeing a sugar-drunk Jeffy announcing that he’s discovered he can just guzzle syrup straight from the bottle and plans to continue to do so made me smile. The only way this panel could be even better would be if, instead just a single demure droplet of syrup at the corner of his mouth, he was completely covered in the stuff, like he had poured it over his head and let ooze down and form a delicious, sticky mask. Can’t even open his eyes because of the syrup and happy as a clam, a dumb, gross, syrup-soaked clam.

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Family Circus, 7/27/18

Look, I get that whoever’s in charge of coloring the daily comics is probably overworked, underpaid, may not be fluent in English or familiar with any of the art form’s conventions, etc. But the Family Circus is iconic, so when you come at it with your little paint can fill tool in whatever off-brand Photoshop knockoff the contractor employing you illegally downloaded, you best come correct. It’s Billy who’s the blond, and you can tell the difference between him and Jeffy, who’s a redhead, because Jeffy’s hair is lumpy. One is left staring at this panel with the impression that Jeffy has dyed his hair to show his total dedication to the beach lifestyle he and PJ are constructing for themselves. They’re also building their beach out of sugar, so presumably this scene here takes place only moments before everyone flees in terror from an enormous swarm of bees.

Pluggers, 7/27/18

I don’t know what delights me about this more: the image, which shows a crazed plugger reverting back to his true animalistic self, or the caption, which summons up the image of a plugger trying to put his hair up in a bun and somehow getting greasy chunks of ground beef tangled up in it.