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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/20/18

Today’s Snuffy Smith offers a lot to think about — from Snuffy’s inability to differentiate between dissimulation and imaginative escape, to the thought of some unfortunately door-to-door salesman forced to try to squeeze blood from the stone of impoverished Hootin’ Holler. But primarily, I’m just thinking about Snuffy’s beachwear, and the tan lines it would produce.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/20/18

Good news, everyone! Les’s mopey book about his dead wife didn’t win that Eisner it was nominated for. Bad news: everyone at their table still got unlimited cheesecake. I want these creeps to receive zero rewards, do you year me? Zero.

Shoe, 7/20/18

There’s never been a “Farmer Frank” character in this strip and the fact that he’s a farmer doesn’t have any kind of relationship to the punchline of this joke and that all bothers me so much

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Dennis the Menace, 7/16/18

Wait, so this is a repeat wrong-number caller? Who admits to Dennis right off the bat that he knows he’s calling the wrong number? What exactly is going on here? Dennis’s pushback is entirely legitimate! He’s the one who’s being menaced, by some phone-creep!

Family Circus, 7/16/18

It’s really a fine line between “Ha ha, our children, being young and unlearned, do occasionally say the darndest things!” and “Oh, Christ, our children are dumb, just dumb as posts, they’re too old to be displaying this level of ignorance, this is humiliating for everyone concerned,” but the Family Circus has just blown right past it today!

Slylock Fox, 7/16/18

Plus she’s … right there? Right there at the bottom left of the panel, in plain sight? That’s Bertha Bear, right? I’m not going crazy here?

Funky Winkerbean, 7/16/18

I mean, guys, you’re, uh, you’re all sitting with each other

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Hey, everybody! I’m back from my voyages and ready to entertain you with my comics-mocking antics, once again! Let’s give a huge hand to Uncle Lumpy for his usual fill-in amazingness — Carl the Turtle is an instantly iconic character who I will treasure in my heart forever. And let’s also give a huge hand to the kind souls who contributed to the Summer 2018 fundraiser. I promise personal thank-yous this week, as well as solicitation of addresses for possible totebag-sending! You’re all the real heroes!

Meanwhile, let’s dive into the glory and pageantry of the comics page, with…

Funky Winkerbean, 7/12/18

…Funky Winkerbean heading out to Comic-Con! This is a groundbreaking adventure for our characters, who have never before attended this pinnacle of pop culture and comics fand– [aide whispers in ear] Oh, huh, just last year, you say? Well, confidential to the Funky Winkerbean creative team: you don’t have to set a storyline at Comic-Con every year to write the costs of passes and travel off on your taxes. It’s literally your industry’s main trade show! The word “comic” is right there in the name! Anywhere, here’s hoping that, having foregone a paid tour guide, Les takes a wrong turn in the exotic, dangerous city of “San Diego” and ends up murdered in one of its seedy back alleys, like in an Old Navy or something.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/18

Meanwhile, Uncle Lumpy rightfully refused to keep you updated on Rex Morgan, M.D., which over the course of my absence stayed relentlessly focused on its insanely dull “middle-aged dude and his old dad drive around the country in an RV” plot. The strip could’ve at least broken up the monotony by cutting away to one of its other thrilling and unresolved storylines, like [checks notes] ah. Hmm. Anyway, If you thought “middle-aged dude and his old dad drive around the country in an RV” was boring, wait till you get a load of “middle-aged dude and his old dad drive around the country in a midsized SUV.”

Mark Trail, 7/12/18

“She gets totally obsessive about artifacts — almost as if she’s a dedicated researcher well versed in the latest techniques in our field and doing her best to help everyone understand the material culture of ancient societies! Me, I’m just in it for a quick buck. I know some real rich creeps who’d pay good money for Vampire Mister Potato Head here, especially if I spin ’em some story about how the temple I found it in seemed cursed or whatever. These pith helmets don’t pay for themselves!”